Introduction: Some Christians find that living with others is difficult. Their marriage relationship requires constant work. They do not know how to relate to their children. Work relationships are generally unpleasant. Is this just bad luck? Or, if you constantly have difficult relationships, does this have something to do with you? Or is this just Satan creating trouble in your life because you are faithful to God? 
Perhaps it has something to do with you. Satan does not need to create trouble for you because you already create enough trouble for yourself. Our study this week concerns Paul’s advice for living with others. Let’s dive in and see what we can learn to improve our relationships with those around us!
I. The Family
A. Read Colossians 3:18-19. The advice to wives to “submit” to their husband has an interesting ending. It ends “as is fitting in the Lord.” What do you think that means?
- Is it only a statement that submitting to the husband is what God thinks is appropriate for wives?
- Or is it a limitation on submitting to the husband? (If we look at both verses, we can see that husband and wife are to submit to God’s rules. Whatever Paul meant by “fitting in the Lord,” the two verses taken together show that submitting to the husband is subject to the couple submitting to God.)
B. Look again at Colossians 3:18. What do you think “submit” means? (Read Ephesians 5:22-23 where Paul gives us a fuller explanation. Paul says that submission to the husband is like the Church submitting to Jesus.)
C. Read Genesis 3:16 where God is assigning punishment to Eve and Adam for sinning. Is this how women ended up with the instruction to submit to their husbands?
- If so, is this just a straight punishment, or is there a positive aspect to it?
- Is it parallel to the Genesis 3:17 punishment of Adam that farming will be hard?
D. Let’s look again at Colossians 3:19. Then read Ephesians 5:25 to get a more complete picture. What does it mean to love your wife as Jesus “loved the church and gave Himself up for her?”
- Would it be hard to submit to a husband who had an attitude like that?
- If a husband fails to fulfill his Ephesians 5:25 obligation, is the wife freed from the obligation to submit? Or are these independent obligations?
E. Read Colossians 3:20-21. When children are told to obey their parents, is this a life-long commitment? (The Greek word for children is “tekna” which, according to the IVP New Testament Commentary, refers here to “young children living at home.”)
- Notice that obedience is required “in everything.” There is no “as fitting in the Lord” potential limitation. Why do you think this is the case? (Parents have vast experience compared to children.)
F. In Colossians 3:21 “fathers” are told not to “provoke” their children. Is this a limitation on the requirement that the children obey?
- Why is this limit only on fathers? The children are told to obey both parents. (Fathers are the leaders of the family, and thus they are the ones most likely to provoke.)
- What, exactly, is prohibited in the “do not provoke” rule? Don’t children generally act as if they have been provoked when you tell them not to do something? (Read my old favorite, Deuteronomy 4:2. When fathers (and religious teachers) make up rules that they think are good, and attribute them to God, they run the risk of making children resentful, irritated, or embittered. The motive of the authority figure is generally good, but the results can be life-long alienation and discouragement.)
II. The Workplace
A. Read Colossians 3:22. Probably no one reading this is an actual slave, meaning under the absolute authority of another. Do you think this advice also applies to employees? (If you voluntarily entered into a workplace arrangement, Paul’s advice seems even more compelling. Be a sincere employee.)
- Why does Paul insert God into his advice? Why write, “fearing the Lord?”
B. Read Colossians 3:23-24. Now Paul provides the logical connection to God. Can you explain that connection? (Paul says that God is the One who rewards faithful work. Therefore you should view yourself as working for God.)
- If you work diligently, and with excellence, will your work life be better? (It will because God is your ultimate employer. He provides the reward for diligent work.)
- Do you think that diligent workers, who work with excellence, get promoted? (That is my observation. A promotion generally means a better job–which is in itself a reward.)
C. Read Colossians 3:25. Why does Paul end this warning with the phrase, “there is no partiality?” (Lazy, dishonest employees like to blame someone else for their workplace problems. Paul tells them that their workplace problems are their own fault; it is not that someone is unreasonably biased against them.)
D. Read Colossians 4:1. I teach the past few verses to my students as part of Bible-based emotional intelligence. To avoid the appearance that I’m taking the side of the employer, I also teach this text to them. What warning does Paul give to employers and supervisors? (They must not abuse employees because the employee and the employer have a common master – which is God.)
III. Speaking with Others
A. Read Colossians 4:2-3. If you were Paul, what would be your primary request to God? (To get out of prison!)
- What is Paul’s primary request? (To help him have better opportunities to share the gospel. This is consistent with Colossians 3:2 where Paul instructs us to set our minds on “things that are above,” rather than things on the earth.)
B. Read Colossians 4:4. Look back at Colossians 4:3. About what does Paul ask God to speak clearly? (About the “mystery of Christ.”)
- Is this something that we should ask from God? That we can speak clearly? (This is more of a problem in academia, that people write and speak to let you know how smart they are as opposed to clear communication. Newspaper editors make sure that their articles are written so that those with average reading skills can understand. That should be our goal when sharing the gospel.)
C. Read Colossians 4:5. Can you explain what Paul means when he says make “the best use of the time?” (If you use Facebook, you should consider my wife’s advice: “Arguing with someone on Facebook never convinces anyone.” Some arguments are just a waste of time.)
D. Read Colossians 4:6. When Paul tells us this advice is to give proper answers, what does this assume? (That we are being challenged, or at least questioned.)
- Is your speech always gracious? Especially when you are questioned?
- What do you think Paul means by “seasoned with salt?” (Salt enhances taste. This means make your response as attractive as possible.)
E. Read Acts 13:10; Titus 1:10-13; Galatians 5:12; and Philippians 3:2. Does Paul have a different definition of “gracious” than we have today? Or is something else going on? (Believing that Paul followed his own advice, we must conclude that gracious speech does not mean never speaking harshly. Instead, it must mean governed by the teachings of the Bible and what is best for the good of the listener.)
- Have you heard a debater who, speaking calmly and clearly, absolutely destroys the arguments of his opponent? (I think this is what Paul must mean by “gracious,” “salted,” speech.)
- When Paul refers to knowing “how you ought to answer each person,” is he suggesting that you should respond to different people in different ways? (Knowing our audience and tailoring our response to that knowledge is important.)
F. Friend, if you find that you have trouble getting along with others, has this study of Paul’s advice helped you? Why not also ask the Holy Spirit to guide your interactions with others, in addition to following Paul’s advice?
IV. Next week: Standing in All the Will of God.
Copr. 2026, Bruce N. Cameron, J.D. Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Suggested answers are found within parentheses. If you normally receive this lesson by e-mail, but it is lost one week, you can find it by clicking on this link: http://www.GoBible.org. Pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit as you study.
