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Soul Bandits

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Our days are filled with intrigue, wonder, and disaster–with moments of unfettered discovery and regret. Just when we think we have found life’s sweet spot, dark echoes remind us of our plight–that we are tenuously passing through the valley of the shadow of death, where soul bandits steal and maim in broad daylight!

“How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, ‘We have defeated him!’ Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall” (Psalm 13:2-4, NLT).

Imps of Destruction

I am sickened by the sort of destruction that pummel the innocent. They gleefully spray bullets of cancer, divorce, war, poverty, earthquakes, tornados, sex trafficking, and political imbecility. They have stolen our joy and turned it into the depths of despair!

Jesus said, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10, NLT).

When the Daystar arises with healing in his wings and shines his light with righteous intensity into every crook and cranny of the night, everything will change. The tables will be turned when the robbers are robbed of their freedom to inflict hurt.

Deliverance

“Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure. You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life” (Psalm 23:4-6, The Message).

Rich DuBose writes from Northern California.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Don’t Give UP

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“We’ve reached the end of the cave,” said our guide. “It’s time to turn around.”

It had been approximately four hours since we had begun our decent. My colleagues and I, who were on a service trip to Belize, initially believed that we were on our way to a relaxing afternoon of tubing. That relaxing tubing trip turned into an arduous spelunking adventure into the ancient Mayan cave called called Actun Tunichil Muknal (ATM).

Although our journey into the cave began as a surprise, we eventually began to thoroughly enjoy it. In the cave we saw pottery, human remains and other artifacts that were thousands of years old. We stared in awe at cave art left there by Mayan men and woman hundreds of years before us. Little did we notice that there was something in that cave that was even more awesome. US!

We had begun our journey with fear and complaining but were now climbing, crawling and jumping as if we’d been spelunking for our entire lives. We didn’t think twice when instructed by our guide to climb a shaky century’s old ladder. We reflexively extended our hands to help the person behind us. We were in our element! I don’t know when it was but at some point during those four hours something in us had changed. We were no longer terrified; wishing that we could be safely back on our bus. Instead, we were enjoying the beauty and wonder of what was before us.

The journey out of the cave was much quicker than the journey into it. Before we knew it, we were on the bus heading back to where we would be spending the night. The bus ride was initially deafeningly loud as we all recounted our adventures in the cave. Eventually though, quiet took over. I suspect that at that moment everyone was, like me, thinking about what had just happened. How we saw a challenge, faced it (some more willingly than others), and came out the other end of it stronger, more determined and a little bit less afraid. I suspect they were also thinking about the challenges they have waiting for them back home and how after today those challenges seemed a little less scary and a little more manageable.

I like to think that my suspicion was confirmed when I looked over at my seatmate and saw a broad smile form across her face.

“What’s that big smile for?” I asked.

“Dude!” She beamed. “We spelunked!”

“We are glad for our troubles also. We know that troubles help us learn not to give up. When we have learned not to give up, it shows we have stood the test. When we have stood the test, it gives us hope” (Romans 5:3-4, New Living Version).

Jael Amador writes from New York, New York.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Risky Business

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The Truth About Youth Sexting

If you’re not talking to your kids about “sexting,” there’s someone in a chat room ready to have that conversation. Here’s a look at the latest.

The Issue

Typically kids, particularly those with poor self-worth or who are easily influenced, seek approval through “sexting.” Youth compelled to act by someone they love or trust are also vulnerable, especially teens, since they inherently struggle to see the big picture. Society also exacts sway, normalizing and even glorifying under-age sex. “If a child or teen is spending a great deal of time online, you can bet they are seeing sexually explicit content,” explains Krysta Dancy, M.A., M.F.T., and supervisor/co-director of The Place Within Counseling Center. “It can begin to feel like it is normal. Everyone seems to be participating.”

The Target

On average, sexting becomes an issue in middle school, when kids increasingly navigate social and romantic relationships without as much parental oversight. The mix of freedom, access and naïveté creates something of a perfect storm. Although Dancy feels sexting is more common than parents realize — and that no child is immune to it — there are certain personalities more prone to persuasion, including kids with a strong need for romantic or sexual attention, those without media limits or supervision, and those with an intrinsic lack of forethought.

The Sexting Effect

Initially, the cost of sexting might include possible humiliation and exploitation, while long-term social consequences include bullying, harassment and sexual objectification, which can lead to poor self-esteem, depression, anxiety, social withdrawal, etc. Legally, implications for minors discovered in possession of nude photos, which is considered child pornography, can lead to further trouble if discovered.

“The Talk” 2.0

Preferably, approach the issue with your kids before they have access to a smartphone or media device. But don’t make the discussion solely about sex — focus on the real-world consequences of posting explicit or embarrassing material, and use examples of others who have been hurt by such actions. Pose helpful and thought-provoking questions like, “How did it affect their reputation?’”

Further points of discussion include lack of control. Explain that information doesn’t disappear because it’s not there — it can be forwarded, copy and pasted, or saved. “Remind kids that, yes, the recipient might be someone they trust now…but no one can predict the future,” Dancy explains. “They put themselves in a vulnerable position to allow anyone to have compromising photos of them. [But] having a conversation about sex with your kid will not prepare them for how to handle sexting. Both need to be addressed.”

Technologically speaking, kids are a step savvier than their folks, so foster open dialog to educate and establish a mutual relationship where kids can come to you with questions and concerns. Also, set limits on technology usage and use logic (e.g., always consider age and maturity). Finally, communicate your parental right to monitor their activity and institute fair rules — no late-night technology in the bedroom or for long unsupervised periods. As trustworthiness and responsible usage of technology is exhibited, slowly loosen the reins, but never hand them over entirely.

Know the Code

Don’t know an OMG from a TDTM?

Here, a cheat sheet straight from Therapist Dancy (dancytherapy.com):

8: Oral Sex

53X: Sex

A/S/L/P: Age/Sex/Location/Picture (in chat rooms)

CU46: See You For Sex

CUOL: See You Online

CYM or CYE: Check Your Email

DTD: Doing The Deed

GAP: Got A Picture?

LOB: Lying On Bed

LOK: Lots Of Kisses

PIX: Photos

POS: Parents Over Shoulder

TDTM: Talk Dirty To Me

This article by Jenn Thorton first appeared in Style Magazine in El Dorado Hills, CA. Republished with permission.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

I Will Take Care of You

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I believe that God speaks to us in different ways. For me, it is often through music, through the reading of the Bible or through a conversation with a friend or stranger. It most certainly is not through an audibly discernable voice. Unless you count that one time…

I was in my car driving home from work and crying. You see I had just finalized a decision that would change, perhaps forever, the course of my life. I had committed to attend graduate school at a well-known and prestigious health sciences institute. But this institute just happened to be on the other side of the country. As much as I believed that going to this particular school was God’s will, I was still terrified at the mere thought of being far from my family, my friends and everything that I knew and loved. So I did what I do best when I’m afraid; I started to cry. But I also began to pray and to beg God to let me know that the decision I was taking was in line with his will for me. That’s when I heard it.

“Go and I will take care of you.”

I stopped crying. First because of the shock of having actually heard a voice that I was certain was from God and second because of a sense of overwhelming peace.

As if that wasn’t enough of a confirmation, a few months after my decision was finalized, two of my very best friends felt the call to make a change in their lives too, and the three of us embarked on a road trip across the country to our new home in California.

California has been my home for the past five years. I’ve had some of the hardest experiences of my life while living here. But I’ve also had some of the most amazing and life altering experiences. Chief of which was that while living here I met the God that I thought I had all figured out. And through every single up and down the promise I undeniably heard five years ago was kept. God has taken care of me every step of the way.

Today I received an e-mail informing me that I matched for a coveted internship and will be moving back to the east coast. Once again, I’m going to uproot my life and leave behind the things that I love and the security that I’ve found. But today, I don’t cry and I don’t ask questions because I know exactly what the answer is going to be.

“Go and I will take care of you.”

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged” (Deuteronomy 31:8, NIV).

Jael Amador writes from New York City.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Forgiving Myself

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I’ve changed my name because I want to keep my privacy. And I didn’t post a picture of myself because I don’t want anyone to recognize me. You see, many years ago I made a choice that I’ll always regret. It has taken years, but God has forgiven that mistake and made my life into something beautiful. Beautiful like a rose that grows in my garden….

The Wrong Choice

The choice was made in August of 1977. Well, maybe I should say June of 1977. It was the end of my freshman year of college. I had been flirting a lot with an older graduate student who I thought was very cute. We never really officially dated. We did make one date though—we planned on spending one full day–and night–together before I went home for the summer. I signed out of the dorm saying that I was spending the night with my grandparents who lived in town. Then I told my grandparents that I was spending the night with a girlfriend who had come to town for the weekend. I hated lying to them, but I did.

My plans for waiting until I was married to have sex crumbled that night. We didn’t use any protection. Driving back to the dorm the next morning, I had no idea that my life was about to change. Forever.

At the beginning of summer I went alone on vacation to Colorado to visit my cousin. When I got sick while watching a movie with her, she asked if I’d missed my period. Later she took me to a clinic where they told me that I was pregnant. Shortly after I found out, my parents came through Colorado and picked me up on their way to Nebraska to visit my grandparents. Mom and I went shopping downtown by bus one day, and on the way back I got sick again. I realized I needed to tell her I was pregnant. I asked her to go on a walk with me. We walked for a while and then sat down on a bench to talk, and I broke the news. She didn’t say much, except that she thought I was just carsick.

I don’t remember exactly when I told the father of the baby that I was pregnant. He did call me, though, when I was in Nebraska. He informed me that he had spoken with a pro-choice clinic and that they told him there was no way that I could take care of a baby by myself. They told him an abortion was the only way. He made it very clear that he definitely did not want to get married. In fact, he informed me that he was headed oversees for a year to teach school–but he would pay for an abortion.

I did not want an abortion. I seriously thought about just taking the money he sent and heading to Texas to get lost in Dallas or San Antonio. I had vowed I would never have an abortion. I believed it was taking a life.

One day, about half way through our stay in Nebraska, my mom came to me and said that the next day she, my cousin, my aunts and I were going to Omaha to shop. Well it turned out that everyone else was going shopping. Mom was taking me to get an abortion. I wasn’t given the choice. Sure, I was 20 years old then, but I was raised to never question my parents. If they told me to do something, I did it.

And so my baby died. 

Mom was terrified of what my dad might do if he found out I’d been pregnant. In order to keep the secret from him while I recuperated, she told Dad that I was still not feeling well from a strep throat infection I had earlier that summer.

Grieving the Choice

Afterward I cried a lot. I was angry with my mom, and my cousin. I was angry for a long, long time. I often woke in the night crying. I would cry when I saw Pro-Life and Anti-Abortion billboards and ads. I hated myself for not having the strength to stand up to Mom and to do what I knew was right and not take my baby’s life. The guilt and shame was so overwhelming that I had thoughts of suicide. Since I’d already given up on the commitment to wait until marriage to have sex, I had sexual relationships with several boyfriends after that. I just didn’t care anymore.

I started drinking and smoking pot—anything to try to numb the pain I was feeling. I began enjoying the alcohol and pot way too much. Then one night I drank too much and smoked too much. I would wake up and there were people in my apartment…then pass out and wake up and no one was there…then they were there again. The next morning I needed a drink. It was then that I realized I would be an addict if I continued drinking and smoking, so I stopped. But I traded that addiction for a food addiction.

I finally married, making sure my future husband knew what had happened. But the guilt was still there. I didn’t feel worthy of being loved. “How can someone love me, when I took my baby’s life?” I thought to myself. I felt that God hated me. I hated me. I didn’t want anyone to know my secret or judge me for what had happened.

Another Choice: Forgiveness

About 10 years later, when I was married with two wonderful children I had given birth to, I went to a Christian Woman’s Retreat sponsored by our church. I had gone to college with the speaker and she gave wonderful talks that touched my heart. On Saturday night, I asked to speak with her privately, and told her my story. I had forgiven my mom and cousin, but the speaker helped me realize that I had not forgiven myself. This was a totally new concept to me. I didn’t know I needed to, or even could, forgive myself. And I finally did believe that God could forgive me because He knows my heart.

The speaker told me something else that has helped me so much. She believes that when I get to Heaven, my angel or Jesus will bring that baby and place him or her in my arms. And I will be given a second chance to raise my baby in a perfect world where there is no sin! I hang on to that. It has given me so much peace.

I thank God for His love and forgiveness. My heart still twinges every March on my baby’s due date. I think about how old he or she would be. And all these years later, there are still days when the devil brings back the feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. On those days I struggle with ‘How can God love me?”  I know He has forgiven me, but I just have trouble accepting it some days. But when I do remember that God does love me and has forgiven me, I ask myself, “What makes me better than God, to not forgive myself?”

The phrase, “God is in control” has become my mantra. And when I can’t sleep, I sing the song “Amazing Grace” in my head. I especially like the new chorus that was added to Chris Tomlin’s version of the song:

“My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace”
I have experienced His grace. And yes, it is amazing!

The author’s name has been changed, and the author’s photo is a stock photo from Unsplash.

The post Forgiving Myself appeared first on Answers for Me.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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