But that doesn’t mean that the law has lost its force. It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the smallest point of God’s law to be overturned. “For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.” Luke 16:17-18 NLT

As Adventists we love pointing out that Jesus said the law will never be changed in order to protect the Sabbath. But in this passage Jesus is not protecting the Sabbath. Jesus is upholding the law to protect marriage. As Adventists have we become lax in protecting the laws of marriage and remarriage? Have we placed such undue pressure on ourselves and others to be married, that we have compromised Biblical guidelines to make marriage and remarriage easier? I am just asking. If the answer is no, then hallelujah. However I have counseled with Adventist friends who were so desperate to get married that even though their Adventist parents warned them against marrying a non believer, they went ahead anyway with the attitude of “I must be married at any cost.” Not long after the wedding they were staying home from church with their non-believing spouse. I have seen it go the other way too. An elderly lady told me about her late husband, who was an Adventist, but just days before the wedding found evidence that he was Adventist in “name only” as she put it. She decided to break the engagement, but her own father told her he had already spent too much money on the wedding and forced her to go with it, which resulted in over 40 years of heartbreak and misery. In the former case the problem was someone pressuring themselves to get married. In the latter it was someone pressuring someone else to get married.

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When I was a teenager I attended an Adventist church which had a scandal involving the academy chaplain.. Three husbands were caught cheating and swapped wives, and then they immediately moved to an Adventist college community that was much larger, where they could disappear.

Once the dust settled, a single friend in her 30’s asked, “How do these people have multiple affairs when I can’t even find one?” Over the years I have wondered the same thing. While I am still waiting on a special woman with whom I am spiritually and socially compatible, I see other people divorcing and remarrying like free agents switching sports teams. All I can figure is they are more obsessed with marriage than I am. 

But I digress. It is not about me. It is about the Bible. In the book of Ezra the leaders and people repented of their marriages to unbelievers by sending them back. In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul tells those married to unbelievers to stay married. Here is what I see is the difference. In Ezra they were believers before they got married. Paul is addressing people who were married before they heard about Christ and became Christians. So today there is a difference between someone already being a Christian and marrying a non-believer, and someone who is already married and then becomes a Christian. The former is choosing to be unequally yoked. The latter is not. 

I have had people defend Christians marrying unbelievers by saying the unbelievers may become believers later. It has even happened they say. Here is a classic example of how people let human reasoning win over the Bible. “Sure enough the Bible says not to be unequally yoked, but I have some stories to prove the Bible wrong” so they say. Years ago I preached from 1 Corinthians 7 on how Paul said a man can serve God better by being single. After church a woman came up to me to tell me that was wrong. Now it doesn’t surprise me a bit when people tell me I am wrong, but when they tell me a Bible passage is wrong, that really gets my attention. She explained that Jesus sent the disciples out two by two and so every pastor should have a wife with whom to give Bible studies. I had to point out that Jesus did not send the disciples out with their wives but with each other. And I had to ask, when was the last time you actually saw a married pastor out giving Bible studies with his wife? Her argument was totally unbiblical and based on human reasoning founded on the principle that has pressured many people into bad choices, which is “get married at any cost.” 

Likewise the arguments in favor of marrying non-believers contradict the Bible. Furthermore it was the unbelievers joining the believers that diluted the nation of Israel in Ezra’s day. Likewise when unbelievers or non-Adventists  get baptized for the sole purpose of marrying an Adventist, it dilutes the integrity of the Church. Then it becomes so mainstream no one even notices or cares that the Advent message has become diluted. Now a non Adventists who gets baptized for the sole purpose of loving Jesus with all their heart before marrying an Adventist is a totally different story. I have seen that happen many times with positive results, and it is totally biblical. 

I am not the least bit desperate to get married, but of course, my heart and eyes are open to the possibility, but only if I meet a seasoned Adventist lady who is deeply in love with Jesus. Over the years I have had people in the church tell me I am so picky I will never get married. So be it! I am perfectly happy the way I am. Just a few months ago I was having dinner with a friend at a restaurant. I told my friend that even though I am still open to getting married that I probably never will, because the older I get the more I think, “It’s been a wonderful life. Why risk making a bad decision and ruining it at the end?”  As soon as I said that ,the waitress who was about three tables away heard me, looked at me  and smiled, nodding her head in agreement. So I know I am not the only person who thinks that way.  By the way while the waitress and my friend both laughed, I was not joking. It is something I have seriously thought about. 

The purpose of this article is not to discourage myself or anyone else from getting married. A lot of people –  single and married –  like to make jokes belittling the institution of marriage. Not me. I understand the biblical sanctity of marriage, and realize a biblical marriage is a beautiful blessing. The purpose of this article is to help people avoid the misery and heartache that is caused by the pressure inflicted by self or others to enter into unbiblical marriages or remarriages. 

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God’s Math

By Andrew McChesney, Adventist Mission

Jannie Bekker, a genteel South African with wavy blond hair, was deployed to Vietnam’s capital with $2 million and the momentous task of establishing the Seventh-day Adventist Church’s first “urban center of influence” in the southeast Asian country.

Bekker, however, struggled to find a suitable property in Hanoi. The asking price for a vacant lot topped $2 million and often approached $3 million to $4 million.

Jan Bekker

Bekker prayed as he made trip after trip to Hanoi from the Singapore-based headquarters of the Adventist Church’s Southeast Asia Union Mission, where he works as special assistant to the president.

“I’ve lost count of how many trips I’ve made to Vietnam”, Bekker said. “It was 15 or 20 maybe”.

Bekker was assigned the job after Adventist Church president Ted N.C. Wilson appealed for a community center to serve the people of Hanoi in 2014. Wilson – who spoke after visiting the city and leading milestone evangelistic meetings in Ho Chi Minh City – pledged to help raise the needed funds, with the understanding that he would match the amount contributed by the Southern Asia-Pacific Division and Southeast Asia Union Mission. In the end, the Adventist world church gave $1 million, and the division and union each gave $500,000.

But Bekker couldn’t find a plot of land. The properties that he inspected cost too much or were badly located. A potential deal fell through.

Then a friend of a friend introduced Bekker to a developer who owned a lot and was constructing a seven-story building on it. The developer wanted only $1.8 million for everything. The moment that Bekker saw the property, he knew it was perfect.

Bureaucracy and other snags delayed the purchase for months. Another buyer caught wind of the property and offered a larger amount of money. Bekker kept praying, and the developer ultimately rejected the new offer, saying the Adventist plan sought to benefit the community and not enrich the owners.

Bekker beamed with joy on May 22, 2018, as Wilson and other leaders inaugurated the seven-story building, which will house a bookstore, a health food store, a foreign-language school, a music school, a health center, ADRA’s Vietnam headquarters, and meeting halls for two congregations.

“God came through in a more miraculous way than I ever, ever anticipated”, Bekker said. “He gave us more than what we prayed for. We give all honor and glory to Him”.

Produced by the General Conference Office of Adventist Mission.
Find more mission stories at adventistmission[dot]org

All Rights Reserved. No part of the Adult Sabbath School Bible Study Guide may be edited, altered, modified, adapted, translated, reproduced, or published by any person or entity without prior written authorization from the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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Further Thought: Ellen G. White, “Reformation”, pages 669–678, in Prophets and Kings.

“Industry in a God-appointed duty is an important part of true religion. Men should seize circumstances as God’s instruments with which to work His will. Prompt and decisive action at the right time will gain glorious triumphs, while delay and neglect result in failure and dishonor to God. If the leaders in the cause of truth show no zeal, if they are indifferent and purposeless, the church will be careless, indolent, and pleasure-loving;

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but if they are filled with a holy purpose to serve God and Him alone, the people will be united, hopeful, eager.

The word of God abounds in sharp and striking contrasts. Sin and holiness are placed side by side, that, beholding, we may shun the one and accept the other. The pages that describe the hatred, falsehood, and treachery of Sanballat and Tobiah, describe also the nobility, devotion, and self-sacrifice of Ezra and Nehemiah. We are left free to copy either, as we choose. The fearful results of transgressing God’s commands are placed over against the blessings resulting from obedience. We ourselves must decide whether we will suffer the one or enjoy the other” – Ellen G. White, Prophets and Kings, p. 676.

Discussion Questions:

<–Thursday

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From what we have seen in Ezra and Nehemiah about this issue of mixed marriages, it’s clear that God takes marriage seriously, and that we should, as well. We should prayerfully consider a potential marriage partner, and include God in the decision-making. And we should decide to be faithful to God’s principles, which can protect us from much sadness and misery.

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Look up how Paul was dealing with this issue when a Christian had an unbelieving spouse. Study carefully 1 Corinthians 7:10-17. How should we approach marriages that are unequally yoked today?

Because we have no elaborate command in the Bible on what to do with interfaith marriages, it would be very unwise and run against the intention of the text and its principles to insist that separating from the unbelieving spouse is the right approach and, based on this account by Ezra, must be recommended. Ezra-Nehemiah’s situation was a one-time event and according to God’s will (Ezra 10:11), because the future and worship of the whole community of Israel was at risk. They were losing their identity as worshipers of a living God.

We know that in the Jewish Elephantine settlement in Egypt (contemporary with Ezra and Nehemiah), the leaders allowed intermixed marriages and shortly developed a mixed religion with Yahweh and his pagan consort, the goddess Anat. Additionally, the messianic line was in danger. Therefore, this one-time event shouldn’t be taken as a prescription for the breaking up of marriages and families whenever a believer marries an unbeliever. Instead, the account does demonstrate the high value God places on equally yoked partnership in marriage. Satan is happy when we end up married to a person who does not encourage devotion to God, because he knows that if both spouses have the same conviction, then they will be stronger in their mission work for God than if just one is faithful.

While the Bible clearly counsels against unequally yoked marriages (2 Cor. 6:14), we also find passages of extended grace to those who have made a different choice. God empowers those who have married unbelievers to be faithful to God and their spouses. God doesn’t abandon us even when we make choices contrary to His will, and if we ask Him for help, He will provide it. This doesn’t mean that we do whatever we want and then expect God to bless us nevertheless, but rather that when we come to Him with a need and a humble heart, He always hears. Without God’s grace there would be no hope for any of us, because we are all sinners.

<–Wednesday Friday–>

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Read Ezra 10:1-44. How did Ezra and the leaders tackle the issue of intermarriage?

Together, the whole assembly decided to send the foreign wives away. Amazingly, even those who married them agreed with the plan, except for the four men mentioned by name in Ezra 10:15. The Jews promised to send their spouses away, and it took three months for the plan to be carried out. In the end, 111 Jewish men sent their wives away (Ezra 10:18-43).

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Interestingly, the last verse (Ezra 10:44) states that some of these mixed marriages already had children. Sending away the mothers from families with children doesn’t seem rational or even right to us. However, we must remember that this was a unique time where God was starting over with the Jewish nation, and, in a sense, they with Him. Fully following God required radical measures.

The specific words used in Ezra 10:11, Ezra 10:19 for “separate yourself” (badal) and “put away” (yatza’) are not used anywhere else in the Scriptures for divorce. Ezra would have known the terminology regularly used for divorce, but he chose not to use it. Thus it is apparent that Ezra did not consider the marriages valid after it was discovered that they were in violation of the Torah command. In other words, the marriages were nullified because they were contrary to the law. The process was dissolution of invalid marriages. However, we are not given information on what happened to those wives and children and what impact this action had on the community. According to the custom of that time, the former husbands would have taken care of the transfer of their former wives and their children. The wives normally would have gone back to their native fathers’ homes.

Over time, however, some Jewish men once again began to marry unbelievers, and perhaps some even returned to the wives they sent away. The fleeting nature of the solution can be attributed to human nature and our up-and-down cycle of commitment to God. Even those of us who consider ourselves strong believers have to admit that we have gone through periods of lesser dedication to God when our walk with Him could have accurately been described as wanting. Unfortunately, humanity struggles with putting God first.

<–Tuesday Thursday–>

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