“Treat others as you want them to treat you. This is what the Law and the Prophets are all about” (Matt. 7:12, CEV). Think about all the ways in your own experience, within the family and without, in which you need to apply this principle, and, on the lines below, write down just what those times might be and determine, by faith, how you can do just that.

Image © Bjorn Thorkelson Goodsalt.com

The writer of Hebrews counseled, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14, NKJV). Even when we take all the steps necessary, some people who have hurt us will still not listen and change. Perhaps some may offer an apology, but others will not. Either way, it is to our benefit, especially when it is a family member, that we take the journey of forgiveness talked about earlier.

In fact, forgiveness is an essential part of conflict resolution, especially in the family. When a person sins against us, God’s enemy loves to place a wall between us and that person, a roadblock that prevents us from loving that person as Christ loved us. Forgiveness is a choice that we make to get around that roadblock.

“We are not forgiven because we forgive, but as we forgive. The ground of all forgiveness is found in the unmerited love of God, but by our attitude toward others we show whether we have made that love our own. Wherefore Christ says, ‘With what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again’. Matt. 7:2”. – Ellen G. White, Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 251.

At the same time, when we are the ones at fault, we need to try to restore the broken relationship with another person, which may involve going to the other person and telling him or her that you regret what you’ve done, and asking for their forgiveness. That’s what Jesus said: “So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God” (Matt. 5:23-24, CEV). It is nice when someone who has hurt us apologizes and asks for forgiveness. Likewise, it is nice when we give others the same type of care.

Amen!(0)

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SabbathSchoolNet/~3/Rs6LFcyBb60/

Sometimes unresolved conflict and anger may develop into a very negative, destructive dynamic, even an abusive relationship. Abuse can take a number of forms—physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, et cetera. But any form of abuse is contrary to the central principle of God’s kingdom—unselfish love.

What crucial teachings about relationships are found in 1 John 4:7-8 and Colossians 3:19?

Image © Kevin Carden from GoodSalt.com

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19, NIV). The word harsh in the original Greek language refers to one’s being angry or bitter toward the partner, causing continued pain, intense hostility, and expressions of hatred toward the other. Paul is very clear that a spouse is not to be hostile or violent. Emotional, sexual, and physical abuse is not acceptable behavior for a Christian husband or partner. Instead, what is acceptable is to love your spouse. Paul also makes it clear that love is patient and kind and that love does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, does not keep record of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. None of the attributes of love even remotely condones or accepts abuse in any way, shape, or form.

A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel protected and safe, in which anger is managed in a healthy way, and in which serving one another is the norm. Often victims of abuse feel guilty, as if they were responsible for provoking their abuser or that perhaps they somehow deserve the abuse they receive. Abusers can be quite controlling and often skillful at making their victims feel responsible. The truth is that no one deserves to be abused by another, and abusers are responsible for their own choices and actions. The good news is that the Bible offers comfort, not guilt, for the victims of abuse. In some situations, in which the problem gets unmanageable, people should not be afraid to seek outside help.

Amen!(0)

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SabbathSchoolNet/~3/ID2aH4v3fjw/

Who hasn’t experienced anger at one point or another? What makes it harder is when that anger is directed at a family member. Along with refusing to forgive, anger can turn into a poison that will wreak great pain and suffering on the home and family and relationships in general.

Read Ephesians 4:26-27 and Ecclesiastes 7:9. How can we balance our understanding of anger as an emotion and anger as a sin? What is the difference?

What does James say in James 1:19-20 that we should apply at all times that we can, but especially when dealing with family members whose actions and attitudes and words make us angry?

Anger

If you’re angry about something, instead of letting it hover like a dark cloud over your life, turn it into something positive. Pray for those who hurt and abuse you, forgive them and become a blessing to them. It probably won’t be easy at first, but when you make the decision and stick with it, God will take care of the rest.

Sometimes the root of anger stems from the homes we grew up in. Angry people often come from angry families because they learn from their role models and carry on the same behavior in their own lives, eventually passing it on to their children. At times anger may be the result of unmet needs or from jealousy, as was Cain’s case, which led to the murder of his brother. You may have a good reason to be angry, but don’t use it as an excuse to stay that way. Don’t deny it or try to justify it. Instead, ask God to help you deal with it in a positive way. The apostle Paul gives us good advice: “Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good” (Rom. 12:21, CEV).

Amen!(0)

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SabbathSchoolNet/~3/x-y3qx0JMM8/

Marriage, like the Sabbath, is a gift of God to humanity that goes back to Eden. And, as Seventh-day Adventists, we know what the enemy of souls has done, and is still doing, to both the Sabbath and to marriage. Even the best of marriages are, at times, going to suffer from conflict.

Image © Ron Bell from GoodSalt.com

What follow are a few principles that can help couples work through these issues.

Read Ephesians 1:7. What crucial principle is found here that must be part of any marriage?

You must learn to forgive, especially when your spouse doesn’t deserve it. Anyone can forgive the deserving: in fact, that’s hardly forgiveness. True forgiveness is forgiving those who don’t warrant it, the way the Lord forgives us through Christ. We must do likewise. Otherwise, our marriage, if it survives (which isn’t likely), will seem like purgatory.

Read Romans 3:23. What crucial principle is found here as well?

You must accept that you’re married to a sinner, to a being who has been damaged to some degree emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Get used to it. Accept your spouse’s faults. Pray your way through them. You might have to live with those faults, but you don’t have to obsess over them. If you do, they will eat you alive. A holy and perfect God, through Christ, accepts us as we are: you, who are hardly holy and perfect, must do the same with your spouse.

Amen!(0)

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SabbathSchoolNet/~3/pFQmOsNAUFM/

Read Matthew 7:5 and Proverbs 19:11. What two important principles can help us avoid conflict with others?

The writer of the Proverbs makes a very astute observation: “The start of an argument is like a water leak —so stop it before real trouble breaks out” (Prov. 17:14, CEV). Once begun, a conflict can become incredibly hard to shut down. According to Romans 14:19, we can prevent conflict by following after two things: that which makes for peace and that with which one may edify another. How much more so are these principles crucial to harmony in the family?

Image © Jeff Preston from GoodSalt.com

Sometimes when you admit your responsibility in a conflict, it may cause the other party to soften. Take a step back and consider if it’s even a worthy battle. Proverbs states, “Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19:11, NRSV). At the same time, consider what difference this is going to make in your life in three days. Better yet, what impact will it have in five or ten years? How many marriages, for instance, have had difficult times over issues that today seem so trivial?

Instead of letting conflict drag on for a long time, as you speak with the other person, a spouse, a child, a friend, a co-worker, you may want to clearly define the problem or issue of discussion and stay on the immediate topic. Conflict often deteriorates when the issue that started the conflict gets lost in angry words; meanwhile, past issues or past hurts are tossed into the mix (this can be deadly, especially to a marriage). One way to have a better and softer start to the discussion is to affirm your relationship. Let the other person know that you care deeply about them and about your relationship. Once you have stated your positive feelings, you can move to the issue at hand; however, be careful not to use the word but. Stating a positive thought and then saying “but” negates what you just stated. Once you share your feelings, listen to the other person’s perspective, reflect on what he or she has said, and only then propose a solution that keeps everyone’s best interests in mind (Phil. 2:4-5).

Amen!(0)

Source: http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/SabbathSchoolNet/~3/Ygghr9nH5IQ/