Further Thought: Little Times of Trouble

“Too often the parents are not united in their family government. The father, who is with his children but little, and is ignorant of their peculiarities of disposition and temperament, is harsh and severe. He does not control his temper, but corrects in passion. The child knows this, and instead of being subdued, the punishment fills him with anger.

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The mother allows misdemeanors to pass at one time for which she will severely punish at another. The children never know just what to expect, and are tempted to see how far they can transgress with impunity. Thus are sown seeds of evil that spring up and bear fruit”. – Ellen G. White, The Adventist Home, pages 314, 315.

“Home is to be the center of the purest and most elevated affection. Peace, harmony, affection, and happiness should be perseveringly cherished every day, until these precious things abide in the hearts of those who compose the family. The plant of love must be carefully nourished, else it will die. Every good principle must be cherished if we would have it thrive in the soul. That which Satan plants in the heart—envy, jealousy, evil surmising, evil speaking, impatience, prejudice, selfishness, covetousness, and vanity—must be uprooted. If these evil things are allowed to remain in the soul, they will bear fruit by which many shall be defiled. Oh, how many cultivate the poisonous plants that kill out the precious fruits of love and defile the soul!” – Pages 195, 196.

Discussion Questions:

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Little Times of Trouble show us that “In Times Like These” you need a Saviour, Hymn 593.

To help us on Sunday, in Conflict, we need “Love at Home”, Hymn 652and pray fervently “Lead Them, My God, to Thee, Hymn 653.

We continue our praying in Hymn 656, “O Perfect Love” as one of the Principles for Marriage (Monday) and in Hymn 658, “Heavenly Father, Hear Our Prayer”. More forgiveness can be found in Hymn 299, “Forgive Our Sins as We Forgive”.

To help us overcome anger, we may come “Just as I Am”, Hymn 313/314 to our God for help. This will then have has singing “O God, Our Help”, Hymn 103.

Conflict, Abuse, Power and Control shows the human race needs rescue – “Rescue the Perishing”, Hymn 367.

We ask forgiveness in “Dear Lord and Father”, Hymn 480. What follows is “Peace, Perfect Peace”, Hymn 463. We are then able to fall at the feet of Jesus singing “Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners”, Hymn 187. Hallelujah!

Blessings to you for a wonderful Sabbath Day.

2 Timothy 2:15 KJV – “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

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“Treat others as you want them to treat you. This is what the Law and the Prophets are all about” (Matt. 7:12, CEV). Think about all the ways in your own experience, within the family and without, in which you need to apply this principle, and, on the lines below, write down just what those times might be and determine, by faith, how you can do just that.

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The writer of Hebrews counseled, “Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord” (Heb. 12:14, NKJV). Even when we take all the steps necessary, some people who have hurt us will still not listen and change. Perhaps some may offer an apology, but others will not. Either way, it is to our benefit, especially when it is a family member, that we take the journey of forgiveness talked about earlier.

In fact, forgiveness is an essential part of conflict resolution, especially in the family. When a person sins against us, God’s enemy loves to place a wall between us and that person, a roadblock that prevents us from loving that person as Christ loved us. Forgiveness is a choice that we make to get around that roadblock.

“We are not forgiven because we forgive, but as we forgive. The ground of all forgiveness is found in the unmerited love of God, but by our attitude toward others we show whether we have made that love our own. Wherefore Christ says, ‘With what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again’. Matt. 7:2”. – Ellen G. White, Christ’s Object Lessons, p. 251.

At the same time, when we are the ones at fault, we need to try to restore the broken relationship with another person, which may involve going to the other person and telling him or her that you regret what you’ve done, and asking for their forgiveness. That’s what Jesus said: “So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God” (Matt. 5:23-24, CEV). It is nice when someone who has hurt us apologizes and asks for forgiveness. Likewise, it is nice when we give others the same type of care.

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Sometimes unresolved conflict and anger may develop into a very negative, destructive dynamic, even an abusive relationship. Abuse can take a number of forms—physical, verbal, emotional, psychological, sexual, et cetera. But any form of abuse is contrary to the central principle of God’s kingdom—unselfish love.

What crucial teachings about relationships are found in 1 John 4:7-8 and Colossians 3:19?

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“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them” (Col. 3:19, NIV). The word harsh in the original Greek language refers to one’s being angry or bitter toward the partner, causing continued pain, intense hostility, and expressions of hatred toward the other. Paul is very clear that a spouse is not to be hostile or violent. Emotional, sexual, and physical abuse is not acceptable behavior for a Christian husband or partner. Instead, what is acceptable is to love your spouse. Paul also makes it clear that love is patient and kind and that love does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking, is not easily angered, does not keep record of wrongs, does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. None of the attributes of love even remotely condones or accepts abuse in any way, shape, or form.

A healthy relationship is one in which both partners feel protected and safe, in which anger is managed in a healthy way, and in which serving one another is the norm. Often victims of abuse feel guilty, as if they were responsible for provoking their abuser or that perhaps they somehow deserve the abuse they receive. Abusers can be quite controlling and often skillful at making their victims feel responsible. The truth is that no one deserves to be abused by another, and abusers are responsible for their own choices and actions. The good news is that the Bible offers comfort, not guilt, for the victims of abuse. In some situations, in which the problem gets unmanageable, people should not be afraid to seek outside help.

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Who hasn’t experienced anger at one point or another? What makes it harder is when that anger is directed at a family member. Along with refusing to forgive, anger can turn into a poison that will wreak great pain and suffering on the home and family and relationships in general.

Read Ephesians 4:26-27 and Ecclesiastes 7:9. How can we balance our understanding of anger as an emotion and anger as a sin? What is the difference?

What does James say in James 1:19-20 that we should apply at all times that we can, but especially when dealing with family members whose actions and attitudes and words make us angry?

Anger

If you’re angry about something, instead of letting it hover like a dark cloud over your life, turn it into something positive. Pray for those who hurt and abuse you, forgive them and become a blessing to them. It probably won’t be easy at first, but when you make the decision and stick with it, God will take care of the rest.

Sometimes the root of anger stems from the homes we grew up in. Angry people often come from angry families because they learn from their role models and carry on the same behavior in their own lives, eventually passing it on to their children. At times anger may be the result of unmet needs or from jealousy, as was Cain’s case, which led to the murder of his brother. You may have a good reason to be angry, but don’t use it as an excuse to stay that way. Don’t deny it or try to justify it. Instead, ask God to help you deal with it in a positive way. The apostle Paul gives us good advice: “Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good” (Rom. 12:21, CEV).

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