Another way that trust is lost is through family violence. Unthinkable as it is, research reveals that the home is the single most violent place in society. Family violence touches all kinds of families, including Christian homes. Violence is an assault of any kind—verbal, physical, emotional, sexual, or active or passive neglect—that is committed by one or more persons against another in the family.

Violence

The Bible includes accounts of family violence, even among God’s people. What are your thoughts and feelings as you read these verses? Why do you think these stories were preserved in Scripture?

Gen. 37:17-28

2 Sam. 13:1-22

2 Kings 16:3, 2 Kings 17:17, 2 Kings 21:6

Abusive behavior is the conscious choice of a person to exercise power and control over another. It cannot be explained or excused by alcoholism, stress, the need to fulfill sexual desires, the need for better control of anger, or any behavior of the victim. Victims are not responsible for causing the abuser to abuse. Abusers distort and pervert love, for “love does no harm” (Rom. 13:10, NIV). Professional treatment can facilitate change in an abuser’s behavior, but only if the person takes responsibility for the behavior and seeks such help. To those who will open themselves to His presence, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly to help abusers stop abusing, to repent of their attitudes and behavior, to make restitution in every way possible, and to embrace the qualities of agape love to heal their own hearts and to love others (compare Eph. 3:20).

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We are all sinful, dysfunctional people who at some time will prove ourselves to be untrustworthy to someone who trusted us. And who hasn’t been the victim of someone else’s betrayal of our trust? And, as hard as such a loss of trust can be, it’s always so much worse when we betray, or are betrayed by, a family member.

Sometimes it may seem easier to cut our losses and run when we decide the relationship isn’t worth the effort of rebuilding. Of course, it’s not so easy when it’s a family member, such as a spouse. You could even say that one of the purposes of marriage is to teach us the lesson of how to rebuild trust when it is broken.

When trust in a relationship has been compromised, how can both trust and the relationship be healed and saved? 1 Pet. 5:6-7; 1 John 4:18; James 5:16; Matt. 6:14-15.

Preparing for Death

Rebuilding broken trust is like a journey; you must take it one step at a time. The journey begins with a sincere acknowledgment of the hurt and confession of the truth, whatever the offense and whoever the offender.

When adultery has been the cause of the breach, healing begins when the betrayer confesses. As part of the healing process, confession must accompany complete openness on the part of the betrayer. There can be nothing that remains hidden, or else, when it is found out (and it will be found out), it will destroy the trust that was reestablished. And the second time trust is breached, it becomes even harder to heal than the first breach was.

Rebuilding trust takes time and patience. The more serious the offense, the more time it will take for it to be repaired. Accept the fact that sometimes it’s going to feel as if you are moving two steps forward and three steps backward. One day it seems like there’s hope for tomorrow, and the next day, you feel like running away. Many have, however, been able to rebuild their broken relationship and developed a deeper, more intimate, more satisfying, and happier marriage.

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We are thousands of years from the tree of life; and we all feel it, too, especially when it comes to our physical health. Sooner or later, unless we are killed when young by trauma, we all come to the harsh reality of the loss of health.

And, as difficult as the loss of health is, how much more painful when it strikes, not just ourselves, but someone in our own family? How many parents have, especially as they have dealt with an ill child, wished it had been them, the parent, who was sick instead of the child? Unfortunately, we are not given that choice.

What do all these accounts have in common? Mark 5:22-24, Mark 5:35-43; Matt. 15:22-28; Luke 4:38-39; John 4:46-54.

Ilness

In each of these cases, and no doubt in so many more, it was a family member beseeching Jesus’ help for another family member.

No question, we recognize that we suffer because we live in a fallen world. When sin entered the world, not only did death enter, but also chronic pain, illness, and disease. When faced with a chronic or terminal illness, we may experience shock, anger, despair, and may even feel like shouting, “My God, my God, why have you deserted me? Why are you so far away? Won’t you listen to my groans and come to my rescue?” (Ps. 22:1, CEV). As David did, we’d do well taking our questions, anger, and pain to God.

In many ways, sickness and suffering will remain a mystery until death is finally defeated at Jesus’ return. At the same time, we can glean important truths from God’s Word. While Job endured unspeakable pain, he experienced a deeper intimacy with God. He explains, “I heard about you from others; now I have seen you with my own eyes” (Job 42:5, CEV). Paul had some sort of chronic illness, and how he dealt with it tells us that suffering can equip us to comfort others, it can give us compassion for others who are hurting, and it can enable us to minister more effectively (2 Cor. 1:3-5) – that is, if we don’t allow it to break us.

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Image © Pacific Press

Read for This Week’s Study: Mark 5:22-24, Mark 5:35-43; 1 Pet. 5:6-7; Gen. 37:17-28; Luke 16:13, Rom. 6:16; 1 Cor. 15:26.

Memory Text: “Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ” (Philippians 3:8, NKJV).

The moment Adam and Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they experienced their first loss, the loss of innocence. And this lost innocence was replaced with selfishness, conflict, blame, and a desire for control and supremacy over each other. Shortly after the Fall, they witnessed the first loss of life when they were given animal skins to cover their nakedness. Banned from access to the tree of life lest they eat and live forever, they also lost their perfect garden home, and years later they lost their son, Abel, at the hands of his brother, Cain. At the end, one of them lost their spouse, and finally the surviving partner lost his/her own life. So many losses came as a result of one decision.

Yes, we all know the reality, and pain, of loss, and most of us feel it the deepest when this loss strikes us in the family. And no wonder, for in the family we have our closest bonds; thus loss there, in its many varied forms, hits us the hardest.

This week, as we continue to look at family life, we will look at it in the context of the various times of loss.

Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 1.

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Why I Quit My Job

By Bo, as told to Andrew McChesney

A remarkable experience prompted me to quit my 17-year job as a worker at a thread-making factory and devote myself to full-time gospel work in China.

Image © Pacific Press

When I was 39, my son wanted to go to a trade school to become a lathe worker. But the tuition for the three-year course cost 10,000 yuan, money that we didn’t have.

My Seventh-day Adventist mother suggested that we pray about it. We prayed, but I didn’t expect a miracle.

When my sister heard about the problem, she contacted a friend who worked at the trade school and asked whether my son could apply for a scholarship. The friend, the school accountant, said scholarships were only available for low-income families and we didn’t qualify. But at her suggestion, my son went ahead and enrolled at the school.

Meanwhile, my mother, four sisters, and I pooled our money. When we went to school to pay, we were greeted by the accountant. She told my son to write a scholarship request letter on the spot, and she took it to the principal’s office.

When the principal looked at the letter, he asked, “By how much should I help this student?”

“You have the power to do whatever you like”, the accountant replied.

The principal wrote “500” on the letter.

When the accountant returned with the letter, I was so excited. I didn’t know what the “500” meant, but even a 500-yuan discount would be a big help.

We took the letter to the cashier’s office.

“Would you like to pay for one year or all three years?” the cashier asked.

“All three years”, I said.

The cashier did some calculations and announced, “Your grand total is 2,700 yuan”.

We were in shock! We didn’t know what happened or how she came up with that figure. Even today, we don’t know what happened.

Until that day, my faith in God had been shallow. But after that experience, I realized that God cares for us, and I decided to serve God with all my heart. I have few talents, but I decided that I could help clean the church or visit people.

Today, I am 54 years old and oversee five churches. I feel very unworthy to be called a gospel worker. But I believe that God is leading, and He will help me to do the gospel work.

Produced by the General Conference Office of Adventist Mission.
Find more mission stories at adventistmission[dot]org

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