Who hasn’t experienced anger at one point or another? What makes it harder is when that anger is directed at a family member. Along with refusing to forgive, anger can turn into a poison that will wreak great pain and suffering on the home and family and relationships in general.

Read Ephesians 4:26-27 and Ecclesiastes 7:9. How can we balance our understanding of anger as an emotion and anger as a sin? What is the difference?

What does James say in James 1:19-20 that we should apply at all times that we can, but especially when dealing with family members whose actions and attitudes and words make us angry?

Anger

If you’re angry about something, instead of letting it hover like a dark cloud over your life, turn it into something positive. Pray for those who hurt and abuse you, forgive them and become a blessing to them. It probably won’t be easy at first, but when you make the decision and stick with it, God will take care of the rest.

Sometimes the root of anger stems from the homes we grew up in. Angry people often come from angry families because they learn from their role models and carry on the same behavior in their own lives, eventually passing it on to their children. At times anger may be the result of unmet needs or from jealousy, as was Cain’s case, which led to the murder of his brother. You may have a good reason to be angry, but don’t use it as an excuse to stay that way. Don’t deny it or try to justify it. Instead, ask God to help you deal with it in a positive way. The apostle Paul gives us good advice: “Don’t let evil defeat you, but defeat evil with good” (Rom. 12:21, CEV).

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Marriage, like the Sabbath, is a gift of God to humanity that goes back to Eden. And, as Seventh-day Adventists, we know what the enemy of souls has done, and is still doing, to both the Sabbath and to marriage. Even the best of marriages are, at times, going to suffer from conflict.

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What follow are a few principles that can help couples work through these issues.

Read Ephesians 1:7. What crucial principle is found here that must be part of any marriage?

You must learn to forgive, especially when your spouse doesn’t deserve it. Anyone can forgive the deserving: in fact, that’s hardly forgiveness. True forgiveness is forgiving those who don’t warrant it, the way the Lord forgives us through Christ. We must do likewise. Otherwise, our marriage, if it survives (which isn’t likely), will seem like purgatory.

Read Romans 3:23. What crucial principle is found here as well?

You must accept that you’re married to a sinner, to a being who has been damaged to some degree emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Get used to it. Accept your spouse’s faults. Pray your way through them. You might have to live with those faults, but you don’t have to obsess over them. If you do, they will eat you alive. A holy and perfect God, through Christ, accepts us as we are: you, who are hardly holy and perfect, must do the same with your spouse.

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Read Matthew 7:5 and Proverbs 19:11. What two important principles can help us avoid conflict with others?

The writer of the Proverbs makes a very astute observation: “The start of an argument is like a water leak —so stop it before real trouble breaks out” (Prov. 17:14, CEV). Once begun, a conflict can become incredibly hard to shut down. According to Romans 14:19, we can prevent conflict by following after two things: that which makes for peace and that with which one may edify another. How much more so are these principles crucial to harmony in the family?

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Sometimes when you admit your responsibility in a conflict, it may cause the other party to soften. Take a step back and consider if it’s even a worthy battle. Proverbs states, “Those with good sense are slow to anger, and it is their glory to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19:11, NRSV). At the same time, consider what difference this is going to make in your life in three days. Better yet, what impact will it have in five or ten years? How many marriages, for instance, have had difficult times over issues that today seem so trivial?

Instead of letting conflict drag on for a long time, as you speak with the other person, a spouse, a child, a friend, a co-worker, you may want to clearly define the problem or issue of discussion and stay on the immediate topic. Conflict often deteriorates when the issue that started the conflict gets lost in angry words; meanwhile, past issues or past hurts are tossed into the mix (this can be deadly, especially to a marriage). One way to have a better and softer start to the discussion is to affirm your relationship. Let the other person know that you care deeply about them and about your relationship. Once you have stated your positive feelings, you can move to the issue at hand; however, be careful not to use the word but. Stating a positive thought and then saying “but” negates what you just stated. Once you share your feelings, listen to the other person’s perspective, reflect on what he or she has said, and only then propose a solution that keeps everyone’s best interests in mind (Phil. 2:4-5).

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Read for This Week’s Study: Matt. 7:5; Eph. 1:7; Phil. 2:4-8; Eph. 4:26-27; James 1:19-20; Col. 3:19; Matt. 7:12.

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Memory Text: “Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26, NKJV).

Even the best of homes will face times of struggle, times of conflict. It’s just one of the facts of life in a fallen world. Simple things, such as whose turn it is to take out the trash, or whether your teenage daughter finished her homework, or your son has done his chores, are bothersome but relatively minor issues that can, generally, be resolved with minimal disruption. But other issues can threaten to disrupt family life. The mother-in-law whose abuse and manipulation threatens to destroy a woman’s marriage and her health; the father with mental illness who abuses his children; the son who abandons all his religious upbringing to give himself to a promiscuous lifestyle; or the daughter who becomes a substance abuser.

Repeatedly in the New Testament we are told to love one another (John 13:34, Rom. 12:10), to live in peace and harmony with one another (Rom. 15:5, Heb. 12:14), to be patient, kind, and tenderhearted toward one another (1 Cor. 13:4), to consider others before ourselves (Phil. 2:3), and to bear one another’s burdens (Eph. 4:2). Of course, all this is easier said than done, even with our own family members. In this lesson, we will look at some ways to help mollify little times of trouble, especially in the family.

Study this week’s lesson to prepare for Sabbath, June 8.

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God Had Other Plans

By Andrew McChesney

As she finished high school, Jo-Anna Clayton devised a plan for college.

For the first year, she would enroll in a community college near home in the U.S. state of West Virginia.

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This way she could take basic classes at reduced tuition costs and stay with her parents and three younger sisters. After that, she would transfer to a Seventh-day Adventist school to study nursing.

But the plan collapsed during the summer. She just couldn’t find a way to get to the community college from her parents’ rural home. Jo-Anna couldn’t obtain a driver’s license because her parents, natives of Jamaica, were sorting out the family’s U.S. residency papers. Her parents couldn’t drive her back and forth, and no public buses stopped near her home.

Soon, only a month remained before the start of the school year, and she had nowhere to study.

Then her mother, Suzanne, remembered that family friends worked at Weimar Institute in California. Jo-Anna immediately went online and did some research.

“I don’t want to go to California!” she told her mother. “That’s too far away”.

“You should at least think about it and pray about it”, her mother replied.

Later that day, she did pray. “Please don’t make me go to California”, she said. “If I have to go to California, let one of my friends come with me”.

A week later, Jo-Anna spoke with a Weimar recruiter and began to think that maybe God wanted her to study there. But a major barrier stood ahead: Her parents could only cover the down payment and the first three months of classes.

Then a series of unexpected events rapidly unfolded.

Jo-Anna applied for and received a scholarship. While assisting people affected by local flooding, she connected with several Adventist physicians who pledged $500 a month toward her tuition. She raised $1,800 by writing financial assistance letters to family friends. Soon she had enough money to enroll, and she started classes in the fall.

“I didn’t have any doubt that I was where God wanted me to be”, she said.

While she missed her family dreadfully for the first few months, the realization that she was at the center of God’s will energized her as she worked 25 hours a week to earn more tuition money.

Jo-Anna, now 19, completed her first year debt-free, and she said God still pays her bills.

“I work like crazy, and when I do what I can, I say again, ‘Lord, this is what I can provide. Now show me what You can to do,” she said. “He works it out for me”.

Produced by the General Conference Office of Adventist Mission. Find more mission stories at adventistmission[dot]org

All Rights Reserved. No part of the Adult Sabbath School Bible Study Guide may be edited, altered, modified, adapted, translated, reproduced, or published by any person or entity without prior written authorization from the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists.

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