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Lessons from My Garden

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Plop them into the boiling H2O, wait 45 seconds, remove and plunge them into cold water, peel, cut, and squish out all the seeds by squeezing them between your hands. It’s a yearly ritual at our house-preparing the tomatoes for whatever my wife Roberta wants to create with them.

We are blessed to live in an area where the soil is as black as coffee grounds, and as fertile as anywhere I’ve ever personally witnessed. I’m not known for my “green thumb,” but it’s a simple process to grow things in the dark, rich earth next to our home. Just plug in the seedlings, do a little weeding from time to time, and harvest the abundant crop that inevitably grows each and every season that we put the garden in.

This year has been an exceptionally good one for tomatoes, and I have pulled (at least) a couple of bushels of red-orbed beauties from the eight plants that we put into the garden. It’s a kick for me to go out and pull fresh produce from the meandering vines, and this year has been a banner crop. I thoroughly enjoy trotting out to the tomato patch, pulling the various-sized fruit, loading them into cardboard boxes, and bringing them into the house to show my wife. That’s where the excitement ends though!

Once we’ve separated the “really ripe” ones from those that will be “really ripe” within a few days, it’s time for the yearly exercise that I really disdain:

Plop, remove, plunge, peel, cut, and squish.

Plop, remove, plunge, peel, cut, and squish.

Plop, remove, plunge, peel, cut, and squish.

It’s not nearly as rhythmic as it looks on paper. I always dream of a huge crop, and then when it arrives I disdain the idea of the drudgery in the “plop, remove, plunge, peel, cut, and squish.”

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men” (Colossians 3:23, NASB).

Often, it’s difficult to enjoy the thought that the “plop, remove, plunge, peel, cut, and squish” is part of my work here on planet earth. It’s not glamorous, enjoyable, or satisfying…but it’s needful. My wife works hard to save money, and feed a family that enjoys her home-canned salsa and tomato sauce. The least I can do is to lend a hand.

Michael Temple writes from North Dakota.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Don’t Give UP

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“We’ve reached the end of the cave,” said our guide. “It’s time to turn around.”

It had been approximately four hours since we had begun our decent. My colleagues and I, who were on a service trip to Belize, initially believed that we were on our way to a relaxing afternoon of tubing. That relaxing tubing trip turned into an arduous spelunking adventure into the ancient Mayan cave called called Actun Tunichil Muknal (ATM).

Although our journey into the cave began as a surprise, we eventually began to thoroughly enjoy it. In the cave we saw pottery, human remains and other artifacts that were thousands of years old. We stared in awe at cave art left there by Mayan men and woman hundreds of years before us. Little did we notice that there was something in that cave that was even more awesome. US!

We had begun our journey with fear and complaining but were now climbing, crawling and jumping as if we’d been spelunking for our entire lives. We didn’t think twice when instructed by our guide to climb a shaky century’s old ladder. We reflexively extended our hands to help the person behind us. We were in our element! I don’t know when it was but at some point during those four hours something in us had changed. We were no longer terrified; wishing that we could be safely back on our bus. Instead, we were enjoying the beauty and wonder of what was before us.

The journey out of the cave was much quicker than the journey into it. Before we knew it, we were on the bus heading back to where we would be spending the night. The bus ride was initially deafeningly loud as we all recounted our adventures in the cave. Eventually though, quiet took over. I suspect that at that moment everyone was, like me, thinking about what had just happened. How we saw a challenge, faced it (some more willingly than others), and came out the other end of it stronger, more determined and a little bit less afraid. I suspect they were also thinking about the challenges they have waiting for them back home and how after today those challenges seemed a little less scary and a little more manageable.

I like to think that my suspicion was confirmed when I looked over at my seatmate and saw a broad smile form across her face.

“What’s that big smile for?” I asked.

“Dude!” She beamed. “We spelunked!”

“We are glad for our troubles also. We know that troubles help us learn not to give up. When we have learned not to give up, it shows we have stood the test. When we have stood the test, it gives us hope” (Romans 5:3-4, New Living Version).

Jael Amador writes from New York, New York.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

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Like many other couples, we have a wedding anniversary in the month of June. Last week I posted an endearment on my Facebook page regarding our day. Lots of friends congratulated us. One friend asked: “What is the secret of a long, happy marriage?”

I don’t usually offer such advice. I’m aware of some of the challenges in our marriage journey. My friend might have laughed to know that we spent this past anniversary by exchanging cards, going to church, eating with family, and watching our kittens play that evening. We are deep into companionship, well past the early stages of romantic pretensions. Yet sweet surprises still exist.

After several days’ of pondering the question, I answered my friend. So I will expound a little:

* Don’t expect a happy marriage all the time. That’s simply not realistic, and it certainly doesn’t work for roommates of any kind. I really didn’t want to marry a copy of myself. Relationships are messy and people make mistakes and have their own personal issues. Many of us have experienced some form of childhood trauma or previous relationship that has not been resolved at wedding day.

* Marriage takes a lot of willingness to apologize and forgive–not just the other person but also yourself. That often requires unselfish listening, along with negotiations for needs. This can seem like hard work.

* Patience is required for each other’s personality traits and relatives. Patience while God works through something with one or both of us. This is not for the faint of heart. And as we age, developing patience with physical limitations and health problems in each other is needed. How many times a day have we each answered, “What?”

* A stubborn sense of commitment helps. We will not give up on each other (with certain temporary or permanent exceptions for abuse, neglect and other painful boundary issues). Perhaps this borders on intense curiosity to see how each of us develops over the years.

* The humbling acknowledgement of the occasional need for professional input, reality check, or help with coping strategies– whether spiritual or mental health. We cannot always figure this out ourselves, even as mental health professionals.

* Most importantly, the sharing of a similar worldview with key values: how we see God and practice worshiping Him, being No. 1. Respect and personal integrity flows from this love stream, along with the details of handling finances, parenting, and politics. We may not literally be on the “same page” at times. We often read the same devotional book at different times, on different pages, yet we enjoy discussing it together. Nothing has helped my sense of security as the awareness that “we” are connected to God first, creating a safe space for all further discussions or disagreements. That makes my spouse seem very attractive too!

* Growing comfortable with companionship while continuing to explore and expand knowledge and interests. I don’t require “going out’ on Saturday nights, however, as finances allow we plan trips and attend conferences and share new insights. An interest in learning and helping others invigorates our time together. Change is another side effect of becoming engaged with learning and interactions, leading to moments of, “Wait, I thought I knew what you like, want, eat, etc.!” Back to patience.

* I know that my spouse cannot meet all my relationship needs. We belong to separate and shared groups. Frankly, I need some women friends at times. We enjoy the company of other couples too. Community and social relationships are so important for the health of people as we grow older. Friends of various ages and cultures are the spice of life. When we hit hard times, we can ask for prayers or help or company from those who know us, and offer the same to others.

Life is an education so I keep discovering and learning. Sometimes I wish there was an Auto-Correct button but I’m thankful that I have choices along the way. With God’s help, all of our journey together is not wasted but redeemed.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up? Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV).

Questions for personal journaling or group discussion:

  1. What insights into relationships have you gathered from relatives or personal experience?
  2. Which item or concept do you find most challenging from the list?

Karen Spruill writes from Orlando, Florida.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

The Costs of Obesity

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In December 2012, the New York Times reported that the obesity rates among children are starting to drop. New York reported a 5.5 percent drop, Philadelphia a 5 percent drop and Los Angeles, 3 percent. Even the state of Mississippi is showing a reduction of weight. This is really good news! The rates have been steadily climbing over the past 30 years or so and presently, there are about 12.5 million children struggling with weight in the United States.1 Health professionals and researchers have been overly concerned with staggering numbers such as this.

Earlier this year, Home Box Office (HBO) aired a two-part series called, “The Weight of the Nation.” This report accurately described the full effect of obesity. A book, released with the same title, reported that collectively, we carry more than four and a half billion pounds of body fat.2 Each pound of fat is equal to 3,500 calories our bodies store on our stomachs, backs, legs and anywhere else our genes dictate.

This extra body fat can stress our bodies and we suffer from heart disease, diabetes and some cancers. And if we don’t continue to make positive changes, the rate for these chronic diseases will increase. The Center for Disease Control reported that if we do not make changes, there could be as many as 7.9 million new cases of diabetes each year compared with the current rate of 1.9 million cases per year. The rate of heart disease could grow from the current 1.3 million new cases a year to 6.8 million cases.

These diseases impact the overall health care cost in the U.S. Currently, we spend about $147 billion on health expenditures. If we added $66 billion because of obesity-related costs, the burden of mostly preventable illnesses will cost $210 billion.3

With the new reports of weight loss coming to our attention, perhaps these numbers will never become a reality. Perhaps if we all made up our minds to support healthy lunches at school, grow gardens and introduce various fruits and vegetables to our youth, then we can look forward to a healthy generation to take their place as leaders.

Pamela A. Williams writes from southern California.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

The Mightiest Sword

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On Oct. 2, 2006, Charles Carl Roberts IV barged into an Amish one-room school house in Nickel Mines, Pennsylvania brandishing a gun. His ensuing shooting spree killed five girls, age 6 to 13. To finish off, he took his own life.

That very day, a grandfather of one of the murdered Amish girls warned some young relatives not to hate the killer, saying, “We must not think evil of this man.”  Another Amish father said, “He had a mother and a wife and a soul and now he’s standing before a just God.” Jack Meyer, a member of the Brethren community living near the Amish in Lancaster County, explained: “I don’t think there’s anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts.”

Hours after the shooting, an Amish neighbor comforted the Roberts family, extending forgiveness. Amish community members visited and comforted Roberts’ widow, parents, and parents-in-law. One Amish man held Roberts’ sobbing father in his arms, reportedly for as long as an hour. About 30 members of the Amish community attended Roberts’ funeral. A short time after the shooting, the Amish set up a charitable fund for the Roberts family.

These are snapshots of forgiveness.

I’m a big advocate of all forms of justice—social justice, distributive justice, procedural justice, and even retributive justice. On the latter, I recently co-wrote a book called A Deep but Dazzling Darkness, which presents a case for the increasingly unpopular notion that God will actually punish the wicked (I break into a micro-sweat even writing that, so acute is my awareness of some people’s reactivity.). What I mean to say is that I have a solid appreciation for God’s wrath and the constellation of traits that accompany it. Without divine retributive justice, the gospel message loses tone and vigor.

But when I read stories like the one above, I vow never to become such a justice junkie that I forget the point of justice—that in our case, God averted it. By taking our due Himself, He justly forgave the human race. He absorbed the pain, embraced it even, and then disposed of His right to pass it on. Likewise He calls us to embrace the Cross of pain and release our “right” to exact revenge. The Greek word for “forgiveness” means “to send away.” I love that analogy. When my ruminations begin to boil over with a never-ending litany of wrongs suffered I purposely, consciously, “send away” the revenge my natural heart craves. And it’s a blessed relief.

Someone said that to bear a grudge is to drink poison hoping to kill someone else. For those who long to “send away” some wrong suffered, I’ve developed a worksheet I’d be happy to e-mail to you. Let me close with some poignant words from the musical Jane Eyre:

We must not hold a grudge
We must learn to endure
Then as God is your judge
At least your heart will be pure

When they bruise you with words
When they make you feel small
When it’s hardest to bear
You must do nothing at all

Forgiveness, is the mightiest sword
Forgiveness, for those you fear will be your greatest reward

Written by Jennifer Jill Schwirzer

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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