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You are here: Home / Archives for relationship

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

July 18, 2018 By admin

Like many other couples, we have a wedding anniversary in the month of June. Last week I posted an endearment on my Facebook page regarding our day. Lots of friends congratulated us. One friend asked: “What is the secret of a long, happy marriage?”

I don’t usually offer such advice. I’m aware of some of the challenges in our marriage journey. My friend might have laughed to know that we spent this past anniversary by exchanging cards, going to church, eating with family, and watching our kittens play that evening. We are deep into companionship, well past the early stages of romantic pretensions. Yet sweet surprises still exist.

After several days’ of pondering the question, I answered my friend. So I will expound a little:

* Don’t expect a happy marriage all the time. That’s simply not realistic, and it certainly doesn’t work for roommates of any kind. I really didn’t want to marry a copy of myself. Relationships are messy and people make mistakes and have their own personal issues. Many of us have experienced some form of childhood trauma or previous relationship that has not been resolved at wedding day.

* Marriage takes a lot of willingness to apologize and forgive–not just the other person but also yourself. That often requires unselfish listening, along with negotiations for needs. This can seem like hard work.

* Patience is required for each other’s personality traits and relatives. Patience while God works through something with one or both of us. This is not for the faint of heart. And as we age, developing patience with physical limitations and health problems in each other is needed. How many times a day have we each answered, “What?”

* A stubborn sense of commitment helps. We will not give up on each other (with certain temporary or permanent exceptions for abuse, neglect and other painful boundary issues). Perhaps this borders on intense curiosity to see how each of us develops over the years.

* The humbling acknowledgement of the occasional need for professional input, reality check, or help with coping strategies– whether spiritual or mental health. We cannot always figure this out ourselves, even as mental health professionals.

* Most importantly, the sharing of a similar worldview with key values: how we see God and practice worshiping Him, being No. 1. Respect and personal integrity flows from this love stream, along with the details of handling finances, parenting, and politics. We may not literally be on the “same page” at times. We often read the same devotional book at different times, on different pages, yet we enjoy discussing it together. Nothing has helped my sense of security as the awareness that “we” are connected to God first, creating a safe space for all further discussions or disagreements. That makes my spouse seem very attractive too!

* Growing comfortable with companionship while continuing to explore and expand knowledge and interests. I don’t require “going out’ on Saturday nights, however, as finances allow we plan trips and attend conferences and share new insights. An interest in learning and helping others invigorates our time together. Change is another side effect of becoming engaged with learning and interactions, leading to moments of, “Wait, I thought I knew what you like, want, eat, etc.!” Back to patience.

* I know that my spouse cannot meet all my relationship needs. We belong to separate and shared groups. Frankly, I need some women friends at times. We enjoy the company of other couples too. Community and social relationships are so important for the health of people as we grow older. Friends of various ages and cultures are the spice of life. When we hit hard times, we can ask for prayers or help or company from those who know us, and offer the same to others.

Life is an education so I keep discovering and learning. Sometimes I wish there was an Auto-Correct button but I’m thankful that I have choices along the way. With God’s help, all of our journey together is not wasted but redeemed.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up? Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV).

Questions for personal journaling or group discussion:

  1. What insights into relationships have you gathered from relatives or personal experience?
  2. Which item or concept do you find most challenging from the list?

Karen Spruill writes from Orlando, Florida.

The post Secrets of a Happy Marriage appeared first on Answers for Me.

Read more at the source: Secrets of a Happy Marriage

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, Spiritual applications Tagged With: answers for me, couples, discussions, friend, going-out, happy-marriage, long marriage, love, mental-health, over-the-years, relationship, spouse

Challenging Children

June 18, 2018 By admin

Eight-year-old Jessica wasn’t an easy child. A bossy, fussy girl with only a few friends, she frustrated and alienated even those who loved her the most. She threw tantrums over seemingly minor issues — “These socks hurt my feet,” or “This juice tastes yucky. I won’t drink it.” She became angry when her parents tried to leave her with a babysitter, often throwing herself down on the ground and screaming furiously. At bedtime, she demanded that her parents stay with her. Her teachers reported that she seemed overwhelmed, unable to concentrate. After school she came home saying the other girls hated her or that the teacher thought she was a dummy. At times, she could be a warm, funny girl who loved to giggle at knock-knock jokes, cuddle on the sofa with her mom or dad, and get thoroughly engrossed in her passion for horses. Most of the time she was unpredictable, and her parents were weary!

Stanley Greenspan, a leading child psychiatrist, finds the most frequent complaints from parents fall roughly into five patterns — one of which is a personality like Jessica’s, often described as fussy, finicky, and oversensitive. The others are described as self-absorbed, defiant, inattentive, and aggressive.

Over the years our thinking about children who face challenges in controlling their feelings and behavior has swung from one extreme to another. At one point, the accusing finger was directed at parents — it was their fault their children were impossible.  Then the other extreme — children are simply born this way, and parents have no choice but to learn to live with them. We now recognize that biology and upbringing work together, that early life experiences actually determine how some cells in the nervous system will be used. Parents make a dramatic difference in how their children use their wonderfully different natural abilities.

Children are a product of the unique and continuous interplay between nature and nurture. This interplay happens in your relationship with your child. No matter what your child’s natural tendencies are — whether she falls into one of the categories noted above, or how challenging a child’s behavior is to you — there are approaches, styles, and attitudes that you as a parent can bring to your family life that will enable your children to face their challenges more successfully.

Be realistic about parenting. Sometimes the best you can do is less than your “best.” Decisions about how to use your energy and time can be complex, but the key challenge is to anticipate and plan for what your family really needs from you.

Give your child the precious gift of time. In Greenspan’s work, he found that giving special, unstructured time — 30 minutes a day — to a child greatly enhances that child’s ability to meet the challenges of his or her own personality. It’s called nourishing availability!

Work towards a problem-solving orientation. The goal is to help your child anticipate, practice, and eventually master particular challenges. It has been said that, “Home should be a safe place to learn and practice new skills.”

Empathize with your child. If you don’t have the same sensitivities, it can be hard to imagine what life is like for your child. Over time you can master that, just as your child can master his own challenges.

Discipline with love. Children need both warmth and nurturing along with structure, responsibility and discipline. The challenge is to provide disciple that is gentle and respectful, while being firm.

Written by Susan E Murray

The post Challenging Children appeared first on Answers for Me.

Read more at the source: Challenging Children

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: Dear God, News and Feeds Tagged With: answers for me, challeging children, challenges, family, finds-the-most, giggle-at-knock, over-the-years, parenting, parents, relationship, wonderfully

There is no mission without the church . . .

February 27, 2017 By admin

Has the Advent movement become the Advent institution?

Read more at the source: There is no mission without the church . . .

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Adventist Record.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, Record Magazine - Australia Tagged With: adventist movement, christ, church, churches, mission, missionary, relationship, seventh-day, strategic-planning, world

More than 7,700 Attend Caravan of Training Meetings

February 16, 2017 By admin

**To share this story: By V. Michelle Bernard   Photo by Jorge Pillco     More than 7,700 Columbia Union Conference members recently attended Caravan of Training meetings at 24 sites across the union.   Before the meetings, Rubén Ramos, Columbia Union vice president for Multilingual Ministries, and his team distributed 19,000 copies of  Como Compartir A Jesús  to churches across the union with the goal of helping the readers understand why they need to get involved in mission.   During the meetings, international evangelist Alejandro Bullón and Ramos further encouraged members to get personally involved in evangelizing their communities. Bullón challenged attendees to use Christ’s method of befriending and caring for people.   “The goal of the caravan is to help every member realize they need to be involved in mission — not to make sooner the coming of Jesus or to help the church grow

Read more at the source: More than 7,700 Attend Caravan of Training Meetings

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Adventist Church Connect.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, North American Division News Tagged With: alejandro-bull, attend-caravan, church, communities, encouraged, georgia, ministries, news, news and feeds, relationship, story

InFocus Recouched: Life, health, meaning

February 11, 2017 By admin

Images from Typhoon Haiyan | Should you drink from plastic bottles?

Read more at the source: InFocus Recouched: Life, health, meaning

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Vimeo / InFocus’s videos.

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Filed Under: Adventist Sermons & Video Clips, In Focus (South Pacific) Tagged With: channel, financial, from-plastic, geoff-white, nofollow-noopener, olympic, relationship, stress-doesn, typhoon, viewer, white

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