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You are here: Home / Archives for answers for me

Am I An Impostor?

August 1, 2018 By admin

Hi Jael,

I have attached your paper with my minor edits. I mainly corrected the few typos that I found and also made a few suggestions.

I think you did a great job!

For a normal, well-adjusted person, this would have been a great e-mail to receive from a professor, particularly after having spent countless hours writing, editing and rewriting. I should have been proud to receive such an e-mail. I should have been content that my hard work produced something that was so well received. My day should have been made, but all I could think was, “SHE FOUND TYPOS?!”

If there is one thing that graduate school has taught me is that I am more flight than fight, and more fetal position than flight. After receiving the e-mail above, I spent the next few hours in my head agonizing about the potential ramifications of my professor having found typos in my paper.

“She probably thinks I’m unprofessional and will refuse to give me a recommendation in the future.”

“She’ll most certainly say no if I ask her to support me in sending this paper out for publication.”

“The jig is up! She knows that I’m a fraud and that I don’t really belong here!”

These thoughts are laughable now, but for a few hours they were very real and very debilitating. I recognize now that these are just symptoms of the impostor syndrome: a phenomenon marked by the belief that one’s accomplishments are a fluke and that it’s just a matter of time before everybody knows it.

Unfortunately, the impostor syndrome effects and debilitates so many talented people. But here’s the thing, we’ve all got it (some more than others). We’ve all heard, at least once, a little voice telling us that we can’t, that we’re doing it all wrong, and that we might as well give up.

How do we ignore that little voice? Well…I don’t know, but here’s where I plan to start:

Every time that self-doubt knocks me down, I’m going to get up and give it my all. I suspect that this is much easier said than done. But I think I will have the impostor syndrome beat if everyday I decide to do two things: Rise and shine.

“Arise! Shine! For your light has come and the glory of the Lord rises upon you” (Isaiah 60:1, NIV).

Jael Amador writes from New York, New York.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, Spiritual applications Tagged With: answers for me, corrections, editing, everybody-knows, head-agonizing, impostor, paper, professor, the-impostor

Soul Bandits

July 25, 2018 By admin

Our days are filled with intrigue, wonder, and disaster–with moments of unfettered discovery and regret. Just when we think we have found life’s sweet spot, dark echoes remind us of our plight–that we are tenuously passing through the valley of the shadow of death, where soul bandits steal and maim in broad daylight!

“How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, ‘We have defeated him!’ Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall” (Psalm 13:2-4, NLT).

Imps of Destruction

I am sickened by the sort of destruction that pummel the innocent. They gleefully spray bullets of cancer, divorce, war, poverty, earthquakes, tornados, sex trafficking, and political imbecility. They have stolen our joy and turned it into the depths of despair!

Jesus said, “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life” (John 10:10, NLT).

When the Daystar arises with healing in his wings and shines his light with righteous intensity into every crook and cranny of the night, everything will change. The tables will be turned when the robbers are robbed of their freedom to inflict hurt.

Deliverance

“Even when the way goes through Death Valley, I’m not afraid when you walk at my side. Your trusty shepherd’s crook makes me feel secure. You serve me a six-course dinner right in front of my enemies. You revive my drooping head; my cup brims with blessing. Your beauty and love chase after me every day of my life” (Psalm 23:4-6, The Message).

Rich DuBose writes from Northern California.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, Vegetarian recipes Tagged With: answers for me, beauty, calamities, daystar, deliverance, disaster, disease, freedom, hope, innocent, sex-trafficking, theives

Avoid the Edge

July 24, 2018 By admin

A story is told of a very wealthy gentleman who lived in a palatial mansion, on a high mountain, overlooking the surrounding valleys. The only problem was that reaching his gorgeous manor house required traveling along a very narrow winding road with a steep mountain slope on one side and sheer drop off on the other. Due to the early retirement of his current chauffeur, he placed an ad in his local paper for a new limousine driver. When he conducted the interviews, he asked each person one very important question, “How close can you safely drive along the edge of my winding road?” The first prospect responded, “Sir, I can drive within two feet of the edge and feel perfectly safe.” The second individual answered, “Sir, I can drive within twelve inches of the edge and you will be safe and sound.” The third person replied, “For your protection, Sir, I guarantee I will drive as far away as is possible from that edge and keep you and your family out of harms way.” The last applicant became the new driver.

What about you? Are you living too close to the edge? The edge is a miserable and desolate place to live. Individuals who exist from one paycheck to another live there. People who have no financial plan hang on for dear life at the edge. People who continually max out their credit cards barely survive falling off the edge.

A Freedom Fund

The remedy for living on the financial edge is very simple: Just move away! Not two feet, not twelve inches, but as far away as possible. One thing that puts distance between you and your family and the edge is a Freedom Fund. Some people call it a Contingency Account; others call it an Emergency Account. However or whatever you name this account or fund, it is for one important purpose—to save your financial skin when unexpected, unforeseen, and unanticipated expenses hit you broadside and threaten to push you over the edge. The Freedom Fund is your personal debt insurance and the best alternative to using plastic.

Why do you need it?

There are a number of reasons to have this rainy day Freedom Fund. First, scripture admonishes us to do so: “The wise man saves for the future, but the foolish man spends whatever he gets.” (Proverbs 21:20 TLB). Secondly, Christian author, Ellen White reminds us that “every week a portion of your wages should be reserved and in no case touched unless suffering actual want.”* Finally, according to current statistics, the typical amount the average American spent last year on those unexpected expenditures was $2,000.

From a more practical viewpoint, it seems to me that when something breaks or needs repairing in my house, it usually comes in pairs or, even worse, in triplicate. Take your appliances. First, your refrigerator defroster stops functioning, then the toaster dies, followed usually by the hair dryer quitting—and you are already late for work. When these essential appliances need maintenance or replacing, most people immediately reach for their only emergency fund—a personal loan with very high interest called a credit card.

There are two more areas that will inevitably challenge your family finances: motor vehicle and medical crises. According to one national survey, two thirds of unanticipated expenditures are related to medical care and motor vehicles.

How to fund it?

Instead of borrowing for these financial crises, begin putting money regularly into your Freedom Fund. Set a goal of $25 per week or $50 each payday until your Freedom Fund is fully invested. If you have trouble getting started, why not have a garage sale? You will be happily surprised that in one morning you may have as much as $300 to $500 as your first deposit.

How to maintain it?

Once you begin to save for your Freedom Fund, you may be tempted to start seeing it as part of your long term investments—it is NOT; it is simply money that is available for unforeseen financial emergencies. Here are the ABC’s of this fund:

Availability—Because life’s emergencies take us by surprise, your Freedom Fund must be in liquid cash. It needs to be in a bank or credit union account where you can get your hands on it immediately or, at the most, within twenty-four hours.

Be Safe—Unlike the stock market or mutual funds, your Freedom Fund needs to be where its principal has no risk. Saving accounts are the safest, but they currently pay little to nothing in interest. One of the best places to put this money is in a certificate of deposit (CD). A CD will pay more interest than a bank savings account but you are required to put it in for a set time period, such as 60 days, 90 days, or 1-5 years. If you must make an early withdrawal from your CD for an unanticipated emergency, the worst that will happen is that you will lose your interest for that period.

Continual Growth—Because you will need your Freedom Fund for a lifetime, as a good steward you will always be on the lookout for places to put this money with the best compounding interest, yet still meeting the other two requirements.

Final words

Remember, no matter the crisis, even if you are up to your eyeballs in debt, you must have a freedom fund. The good news is that Murphy’s Law does sometimes work in reverse: when you have your Freedom Fund fully vested, it seems financial challenges vanish and you no longer have to live on the edge.

Gordon Botting writes from Northern California.

The post Avoid the Edge appeared first on Answers for Me.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: Dear God, News and Feeds Tagged With: answers for me, avoid the edge, christian, family-life, finances, financial, financial planning, home budget, house, personal

Don’t Give UP

July 19, 2018 By admin

“We’ve reached the end of the cave,” said our guide. “It’s time to turn around.”

It had been approximately four hours since we had begun our decent. My colleagues and I, who were on a service trip to Belize, initially believed that we were on our way to a relaxing afternoon of tubing. That relaxing tubing trip turned into an arduous spelunking adventure into the ancient Mayan cave called called Actun Tunichil Muknal (ATM).

Although our journey into the cave began as a surprise, we eventually began to thoroughly enjoy it. In the cave we saw pottery, human remains and other artifacts that were thousands of years old. We stared in awe at cave art left there by Mayan men and woman hundreds of years before us. Little did we notice that there was something in that cave that was even more awesome. US!

We had begun our journey with fear and complaining but were now climbing, crawling and jumping as if we’d been spelunking for our entire lives. We didn’t think twice when instructed by our guide to climb a shaky century’s old ladder. We reflexively extended our hands to help the person behind us. We were in our element! I don’t know when it was but at some point during those four hours something in us had changed. We were no longer terrified; wishing that we could be safely back on our bus. Instead, we were enjoying the beauty and wonder of what was before us.

The journey out of the cave was much quicker than the journey into it. Before we knew it, we were on the bus heading back to where we would be spending the night. The bus ride was initially deafeningly loud as we all recounted our adventures in the cave. Eventually though, quiet took over. I suspect that at that moment everyone was, like me, thinking about what had just happened. How we saw a challenge, faced it (some more willingly than others), and came out the other end of it stronger, more determined and a little bit less afraid. I suspect they were also thinking about the challenges they have waiting for them back home and how after today those challenges seemed a little less scary and a little more manageable.

I like to think that my suspicion was confirmed when I looked over at my seatmate and saw a broad smile form across her face.

“What’s that big smile for?” I asked.

“Dude!” She beamed. “We spelunked!”

“We are glad for our troubles also. We know that troubles help us learn not to give up. When we have learned not to give up, it shows we have stood the test. When we have stood the test, it gives us hope” (Romans 5:3-4, New Living Version).

Jael Amador writes from New York, New York.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, Vegetarian recipes Tagged With: actun-tunichil, adventures, answers for me, beauty, cave, facing life, help-the-person, in-between, journey, learning, living-version, problem-solving

Secrets of a Happy Marriage

July 18, 2018 By admin

Like many other couples, we have a wedding anniversary in the month of June. Last week I posted an endearment on my Facebook page regarding our day. Lots of friends congratulated us. One friend asked: “What is the secret of a long, happy marriage?”

I don’t usually offer such advice. I’m aware of some of the challenges in our marriage journey. My friend might have laughed to know that we spent this past anniversary by exchanging cards, going to church, eating with family, and watching our kittens play that evening. We are deep into companionship, well past the early stages of romantic pretensions. Yet sweet surprises still exist.

After several days’ of pondering the question, I answered my friend. So I will expound a little:

* Don’t expect a happy marriage all the time. That’s simply not realistic, and it certainly doesn’t work for roommates of any kind. I really didn’t want to marry a copy of myself. Relationships are messy and people make mistakes and have their own personal issues. Many of us have experienced some form of childhood trauma or previous relationship that has not been resolved at wedding day.

* Marriage takes a lot of willingness to apologize and forgive–not just the other person but also yourself. That often requires unselfish listening, along with negotiations for needs. This can seem like hard work.

* Patience is required for each other’s personality traits and relatives. Patience while God works through something with one or both of us. This is not for the faint of heart. And as we age, developing patience with physical limitations and health problems in each other is needed. How many times a day have we each answered, “What?”

* A stubborn sense of commitment helps. We will not give up on each other (with certain temporary or permanent exceptions for abuse, neglect and other painful boundary issues). Perhaps this borders on intense curiosity to see how each of us develops over the years.

* The humbling acknowledgement of the occasional need for professional input, reality check, or help with coping strategies– whether spiritual or mental health. We cannot always figure this out ourselves, even as mental health professionals.

* Most importantly, the sharing of a similar worldview with key values: how we see God and practice worshiping Him, being No. 1. Respect and personal integrity flows from this love stream, along with the details of handling finances, parenting, and politics. We may not literally be on the “same page” at times. We often read the same devotional book at different times, on different pages, yet we enjoy discussing it together. Nothing has helped my sense of security as the awareness that “we” are connected to God first, creating a safe space for all further discussions or disagreements. That makes my spouse seem very attractive too!

* Growing comfortable with companionship while continuing to explore and expand knowledge and interests. I don’t require “going out’ on Saturday nights, however, as finances allow we plan trips and attend conferences and share new insights. An interest in learning and helping others invigorates our time together. Change is another side effect of becoming engaged with learning and interactions, leading to moments of, “Wait, I thought I knew what you like, want, eat, etc.!” Back to patience.

* I know that my spouse cannot meet all my relationship needs. We belong to separate and shared groups. Frankly, I need some women friends at times. We enjoy the company of other couples too. Community and social relationships are so important for the health of people as we grow older. Friends of various ages and cultures are the spice of life. When we hit hard times, we can ask for prayers or help or company from those who know us, and offer the same to others.

Life is an education so I keep discovering and learning. Sometimes I wish there was an Auto-Correct button but I’m thankful that I have choices along the way. With God’s help, all of our journey together is not wasted but redeemed.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up? Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV).

Questions for personal journaling or group discussion:

  1. What insights into relationships have you gathered from relatives or personal experience?
  2. Which item or concept do you find most challenging from the list?

Karen Spruill writes from Orlando, Florida.

The post Secrets of a Happy Marriage appeared first on Answers for Me.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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Filed Under: News and Feeds, Spiritual applications Tagged With: answers for me, couples, discussions, friend, going-out, happy-marriage, long marriage, love, mental-health, over-the-years, relationship, spouse

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