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I’ve Got Friends

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And they said that the worst is over. Boy, were they wrong! After having defended my dissertation, I am now going to embark on the final leg of my graduate school program: the internship. The fact that I actually have a place to go is a blessing all it’s own.

When I entered my graduate program, I came in with the knowledge that a large number of psychology graduates students find themselves adding on one or two years to their graduate school careers because they were unable to secure an internship. I’ve seen intelligent, talented and dedicated friends and colleagues be forced to repeat the arduous and expensive internship application process more than once. So I am humbled and grateful for this opportunity to move to the other side of the country and begin my internship.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.

During the past five years, California has been my home and I have formed relationships here that have helped me to grow, learn, and become a better version of me. I am who I am today because of the people that God has put into my life.

So as I pack the little that I own into boxes, tears well in my eyes. Not because I am saying goodbye, but because I am surrounded by people. You see, without my even asking, my friends volunteered to come over to my house, put on music, and help me pack. They fed me when I was hungry and held me when I cried. One of them even gave me a massage when I was feeling anxious about my move! This show of support makes me think that maybe I’m not as alone and misunderstood as I think I am.

“You guys!” I say, feeling the need to express my gratitude. “Thank you so much for coming to help me pack! I’m so overwhelmed by your show of support and love! I couldn’t have done this without you!”

“Aw! That’s really sweet!” says one of my friends. “Now stop stalling and move those boxes into the car!”

Wow. These people really know me!

“It’s better to have a partner than go it alone. Share the work, share the wealth. 
And if one falls down, the other helps, But if there’s no one to help, tough! Two in a bed warm each other. Alone, you shiver all night. By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, The Message).

Jael Amador writes from New York, New York.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Deconstructing Life

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Several years ago I watched images of horrendous loss for the people of Japan. Rivers of cars, airplanes, boats, houses, possessions all washed away or into mammoth piles. And for each survivor, and for those watching around the world, we have been reminded of what is truly important in life. People search for people. Those living need water, food, shelter, clothing, and medical care. The rest is all flotsam, irrelevant for survival, or replaceable.

Just a few days before this world event, fires had consumed hundreds of acres of land in my state. People were interviewed as they prepared to abandon there homes to go to safer areas. Small children clutched a few belongings. Pets were packed into cars along with suitcases. Everything else could be reduced to ashes within minutes.

I am reminded of a culinary term that has surfaced in the past few years. De-constructing a recipe. What used to be a mix of ingredients in a casserole, sauce, etc., is now clearly identifiable or re-combined as separate entities on the plate. So, it seems that another country has been de-constructed by the forces of nature and human invention.

What do we discover when forces outside of our human control, re-shape our lives? A new normal will exist in Japan and elsewhere. As I work with individuals, couples and families, I realize they too have been de-constructed by life events. That reality can be traumatic, yet great good can still prevail. Under the rubble, people find the character qualities that reside in themselves and their family or neighbors. They also often re-learn about what is really important for their lives.

Jesus Christ appeared on earth’s stage like a spiritual earthquake — a tsunami to wash away all the religious clutter that had trapped people’s hearts and lives. He reduced relationships with God and people down to simple elements such as Bread, Water, Light, a Gate, a Shepherd, a Vine, a Father. “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12, NIV).

Questions for personal journaling or group discussion:

1. If you had five minutes to evacuate your home, what would you take?

2. What part of your life is in need of “de-constructing”? What simple elements need to remain?

Karen Spruill writes from Orlando, Florida.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Attention, Please

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Several times this week I have asked for opinions on the appropriate response to the practice of texting messages during church services and small group meetings–as if many of us aren’t already totally vexed with those who indulge in cell phone usage while driving on highways. My last two worship experiences were distracted due to members next to or near me who numerous times turned on their phones to check messages and send texts. I am one who is easily distracted visually, and the screen light from current technology is something that I cannot ignore. I attempt to re-focus and look ahead or re-join a conversation, talk sternly to myself or pray. I realize this may be a sign of my own lack of sustained attention. However, I see it as another symptom of poor brain hygiene in society at large.

By brain hygiene, I mean disciplining oneself to be mindful — to be as present as possible while with another person or situation, worshipping, etc. Paying attention for more than a sound bite or the video length between commercials. Women are especially talented at multitasking, and the pride in having the longest dovetailing checklist can be a personal or social competition; perhaps even a chemical rush from attending to several functions at once. Yet studies have shown that trying to attend to more than two activities at once produces very poor results. Some of my cooking can attest to that. I am also embarrassed to admit that I am guilty of talking to a family member on the phone while sorting or folding, or even checking my e-mail. Technology is the supreme enabler for multitasking.

I have noticed mothers pushing strollers in my neighborhood while they talk on cell phones. The baby or toddler is no longer the object of attention with meaningful observations that contribute to their learning words for passing places or the rhythm of conservation. Even a baby may early start to feel, “What am I, chopped liver?” I can feel invisible on my neighborhood walks when those on the sidewalk have their ears plugged with ear buds. Could they hear me say “Hello,” or scream if I needed help? Then there are the restaurant or doctor office phone conversations that are extremely loud, way too personal or involve business deals. Yuck. My all-time-least favorite are cell phone conversations in restroom stalls.

There has been a lot of discussion about the loss of civility in the world. Certainly respect for the thoughts, words, and presence of other human beings is part of that larger dilemma. A whole world exists outside the invisible bubble that we pretend protects us and allows for phone reception. Then isolation occurs as we move around in large groups of people and we wonder at the intensity of our loneliness.

You may hear or see this on a phone application. For that and other technology, I can be truly thankful. I am just asking for us to consider becoming more fully present — eye contact and heart content. I think Jesus understood this when He said, “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other. or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other” (Matthew 6:24 NIV). The description of Laodicea, the lukewarm people in Revelation 3, may fit much of post-modern life.

Was that a distant trumpet or my e-mail ping?

Questions for personal journaling or group discussion:

1. How would you recommend handling distracting technology in a small group setting or during worship?

2. Find a time each day when you can totally focus on a friend or loved one for at least five minutes. Sit facing each other and talk about your day or what you appreciate about your relationship. At the end of a week, what has happened to your feelings about that person/people?

Karen Spruill writes from Orlando, Florida.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Don’t Be Stupid

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My sister has this friend who married a guy who was great at teaching the Bible. He was very pious and they married fast. They also separated fast. It turns out teaching the Bible was how this guy covered his deep fears, mean temper and habit of absolute control. It turns out that just because somebody looks shiny and nice, doesn’t mean they are! Hello? Sound familiar?

The fact is, you can love Jesus and still be stupid!

Unfortunately I find that many Christians who like Jesus—even love Him, sing to Him and go to big nice churches to pray to Him—do so without getting into His teachings and wisdom. This can be devastating to all involved; first for the Jesus-toting simpleton; and then for the world of skeptics looking on.

Jesus teaches that love is kind, practical, deep and should be tested. Jesus teaches that we should be careful and honest and be sure to count the cost of things first. You’d think with all He’s taught we’d see less romantic casualties among Jesus’ followers… but no. Often when confronted by someone infatuated I find the same ignorance everywhere. So how long have you known her? And her friends? And her family? And her history? These are the kinds of questions that can save a young groom an ocean liner’s worth of heartache. They are questions of a most basic nature. And if you’ve accepted Jesus and believe all those blessings He promised are going to be forthcoming, these are questions you’d better have good thorough answers for.

Our ignorance on the relational teachings of Jesus reminds me of a joke I read a few years ago. It turns out this girl is crossing a street when a voice says, Jump on the curb! Doing so, she nearly misses being run over. This happens a few times before the girl looks up into the sky and asks whom it is that is speaking to her. I’m your guardian angel, says the voice, to which the girl asks—well where on earth were you on my wedding day?

What a perfect example of ignorance. Unlike a car that is suddenly screeching around the corner out of nowhere, getting married is not something that hits us because we left the curb at the wrong time. Promising to hunker down with another faulty and fallible human for all time is huge, and there’s a really good chance our guardian angels couldn’t get a word in edgewise. (Just try talking anyone out of marriage in marriage counseling.) We cannot point to anyone but ourselves when having chosen a mate, things explode all over. Last time I checked, there are directives on how to do this all through the Bible. Think about it… who bought the dress and rented the church?

And maybe this is why I sometimes think that Christianity as a religion has really gone shallow on the teachings of Jesus. Why else would there be as many poor marriage choices within the church as without? Why else would an older Christian lady marry an online prince and loose her life savings, or even worse, be so gullible as to believe that because the guy could pray so nice, he must be that answer to prayer?

This really hit home to me back in 1993. Remember the story of those young Christian girls who chose to become David Koresh’ third and fourth wives? I actually knew where they were from. I knew people they’d gone to church with. And when I read those cover stories, I couldn’t imagine what they had been thinking. Jesus is nothing like David Koresh, and holing up in Waco, Texas, wasn’t anything like the kind of life Jesus taught was ours.

So yeah, I think that sadly, it is possible to be into Jesus to some degree and grow up around Christianity and still make really poor choices. Why? First, because the evidence is overwhelming—it happens a lot. And second, because liking someone—even loving someone—doesn’t mean you’ll be wise like them, Jesus included. Wisdom, as the good book of Proverbs states so clearly (over and over ad nauseam) is for those who seek it. Stupid can be accidental, wisdom; never.

Clar Sproul writes from the Pacific Northwest.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Shallow Living

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Sometimes I wonder how much more shallow our culture can become before it disintegrates. Jesus said in Matthew that we should not worry about stuff like what we’ll eat, drink or wear. He mentions these three things more than once. I read this and then flip back to the world I live here in the good old USA and I cannot help but notice that all of business and life seems to focus on these three things. It’s either what you need to eat, what you should be drinking, or what you (or your house, car, kids, spouse, yada, yada, yada) should be wearing. Am I the only one noticing this? Really, is there more to life than deciding what tastes and looks best?

Jesus said don’t worry about this stuff. I’m sure he was speaking to people who didn’t have much and were worried about whether or not they’d eat and if and when they’d get the clothes needed to keep warm. Still I think this is even more essential advice for those who live with decadence. Our culture has morphed completely away from what we need to what we want. If the need line is at the bottom, I guarantee you we all live many, many, maaaannnny layers above that in the want zone.

Think about it, what was your last crisis? Have you wondered if you’ll eat tonight or at all over the next few weeks? Do you wonder if you’ll have a roof over your head? No, you’re worried about not having something appropriate to wear to a party, or wherever, or when to get that new cell phone, table, T.V., or riding lawn mower. It’s about options now. What we want vs. what we don’t want.

What’s so twisted about all this is the fact that what we’re supposed to be living for keeps getting eclipsed by our seeking those things that Jesus said not to worry about. We have a million options for food and clothing and this seems to have captured most of our imagination. Jesus actually taught that there was a whole life to live beyond all these basic needs and that the Father’s great care for us meant we could keep our focus off the daily stuff and on the big picture. But instead, it seems we’re pretty happy focusing on outfitting our lives.

I think it’s a cop out. I think getting busy with all these mundane necessities of life and celebrating them, obsessing about them, saving for them, and all that, is just one more way to never get deep into our personal journey of self-discovery and service. It’s like we think we can make the basic stuff that is supposed to support the grander purposes of life, into the grander purposes of life. And why? Is it easier?

I believe in each of our lives there is a grand theme to be played out that calls for the very best and greatest we can give. It may scare us to death, but it will be refreshing and will sometimes challenge us beyond our comprehension. Yet it is the path; the mission that we sense needs to be accomplished—something light-years ahead of whether or not we want take-out for dinner tonight. It’s what we call destiny.

Our challenge is to not get sucked into the stuff that is passing away. To not make our lives about the trappings of life, but about our Divine mission and purpose. Anything less, and we’re settling for being sub-human. Anything less than that and we’re selling out.

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Clarissa Worley Sproul writes from the Pacific Northwest.

The post Shallow Living appeared first on Answers for Me.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

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