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Secrets of a Happy Marriage

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Like many other couples, we have a wedding anniversary in the month of June. Last week I posted an endearment on my Facebook page regarding our day. Lots of friends congratulated us. One friend asked: “What is the secret of a long, happy marriage?”

I don’t usually offer such advice. I’m aware of some of the challenges in our marriage journey. My friend might have laughed to know that we spent this past anniversary by exchanging cards, going to church, eating with family, and watching our kittens play that evening. We are deep into companionship, well past the early stages of romantic pretensions. Yet sweet surprises still exist.

After several days’ of pondering the question, I answered my friend. So I will expound a little:

* Don’t expect a happy marriage all the time. That’s simply not realistic, and it certainly doesn’t work for roommates of any kind. I really didn’t want to marry a copy of myself. Relationships are messy and people make mistakes and have their own personal issues. Many of us have experienced some form of childhood trauma or previous relationship that has not been resolved at wedding day.

* Marriage takes a lot of willingness to apologize and forgive–not just the other person but also yourself. That often requires unselfish listening, along with negotiations for needs. This can seem like hard work.

* Patience is required for each other’s personality traits and relatives. Patience while God works through something with one or both of us. This is not for the faint of heart. And as we age, developing patience with physical limitations and health problems in each other is needed. How many times a day have we each answered, “What?”

* A stubborn sense of commitment helps. We will not give up on each other (with certain temporary or permanent exceptions for abuse, neglect and other painful boundary issues). Perhaps this borders on intense curiosity to see how each of us develops over the years.

* The humbling acknowledgement of the occasional need for professional input, reality check, or help with coping strategies– whether spiritual or mental health. We cannot always figure this out ourselves, even as mental health professionals.

* Most importantly, the sharing of a similar worldview with key values: how we see God and practice worshiping Him, being No. 1. Respect and personal integrity flows from this love stream, along with the details of handling finances, parenting, and politics. We may not literally be on the “same page” at times. We often read the same devotional book at different times, on different pages, yet we enjoy discussing it together. Nothing has helped my sense of security as the awareness that “we” are connected to God first, creating a safe space for all further discussions or disagreements. That makes my spouse seem very attractive too!

* Growing comfortable with companionship while continuing to explore and expand knowledge and interests. I don’t require “going out’ on Saturday nights, however, as finances allow we plan trips and attend conferences and share new insights. An interest in learning and helping others invigorates our time together. Change is another side effect of becoming engaged with learning and interactions, leading to moments of, “Wait, I thought I knew what you like, want, eat, etc.!” Back to patience.

* I know that my spouse cannot meet all my relationship needs. We belong to separate and shared groups. Frankly, I need some women friends at times. We enjoy the company of other couples too. Community and social relationships are so important for the health of people as we grow older. Friends of various ages and cultures are the spice of life. When we hit hard times, we can ask for prayers or help or company from those who know us, and offer the same to others.

Life is an education so I keep discovering and learning. Sometimes I wish there was an Auto-Correct button but I’m thankful that I have choices along the way. With God’s help, all of our journey together is not wasted but redeemed.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up? Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, NIV).

Questions for personal journaling or group discussion:

  1. What insights into relationships have you gathered from relatives or personal experience?
  2. Which item or concept do you find most challenging from the list?

Karen Spruill writes from Orlando, Florida.

The post Secrets of a Happy Marriage appeared first on Answers for Me.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Answers for Me.

Everyone Wants My Body

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Everybody wants my body. Some, so they can fill me with beer. Others, so they can adjust my appearance to match their definition of “beautiful.” Still others harangue and wheedle about how I must reduce my cholesterol, increase my carbs, reduce my carbs, drink flax seed tea, or purchase new running shoes from only their company.

Everybody wants my body. If I drink this, they say, I’ll “have more fun.” If I apply that, I’m more “kissable.” If I watch this, I’ll be “more relaxed.” From the privacy of my speeding auto, I am accosted by the makers of houses, cars, beer, shoes, mortgages, graduate education, the world’s finest candy, dental implants, and three more brands of beer. All seem to know exactly what I need, and why I need it. “Right Now!”

Newsweek, TIME, People, The UTNE Reader, Mother Jones, and WORLD Magazine have each dedicated scores of pages to telling me about my body. Although many have included ads convincing me to ask my doctor for certain prescription medications that will “fix me,” I’ve noticed that the fine print warns that their solutions may also cause my body to break down in disgusting ways. Regardless, they want my body.

It’s all offered so attractively that I hear myself agreeing, desiring, deciding, and handing over the Master Card. Sometimes I go through the process alone, captivated by the ad design and copy. Sometimes I argue it through with my wife or another friend. Sometimes I listen to counsel. Sometimes I don’t. The dealers are all hoping I won’t, that I’ll just get in line and give them my body so they can drape me, fill me, medicate me, and sell me their “stuff.”

Then God shows up, saying that he would like to have my body for his temple. Seems he’d like to live there so other folks can visit him wherever I am.

That could call for some significant redecorating (See 1 Peter 2:5, and 1 Corinthians 3:16 and 6:19).
Dick Duerksen writes from the Pacific Northwest.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Spiritual applications.

Brand Name

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A red Christmas bow perched on a shiny new car makes you immediately think of a Lexus. Even the first musical notes of a familiar theme can warn viewers that a Cialis TV ad is about to air. Successful branding happens when words build a reputation: “You’re in good hands.”

So how is our Christian brand doing these days?

I teach math at a community college. Pretty much all my students know I’m a Christian – and what assurances do they draw from that brand name? I hope they connect it to hard work, impeccable preparation, an unfailingly cheerful ambiance in the classroom. That it promises them fair grades, timely paperwork, up-to-date reporting of quiz scores. That it assures the females on our campus – and Valley College is populated by many beautiful coeds – my professional demeanor and marital integrity.

The Sermon on the Mount is an extended infomercial telling a curious world that the true Christian brand will produce citizens who follow the Golden Rule, return good for evil, relentlessly forgive others, suffer indignities, vote for and pray for political leaders in a spirit of quiet support and concern. They will generously feed the hungry, shelter the homeless, care for widows, clothe the destitute, be Big Brothers and Sisters, and visit the Death Row inmates.

In his book, What’s So Amazing About Grace?, Philip Yancey laments that for too many cynics looking on, the Christian brand has been reduced to a grisly pro-life poster at a rally and political witch-hunts against the homosexual agenda. On the other hand, there indeed are many Christians whose passion is to work protecting the lives of the unborn . . . while being equally concerned with giving their neighbors a glimpse of a kingdom brand that is self-effacing, caring, and gently aware that there are two sides to every tragic decision made in a doctor’s office.

When incoming President Obama asked Joe Biden to be his running mate, the garrulous senator said yes – on two conditions: “I won’t wear funny hats,” he stated. “And I won’t mess with my brand.” Interpret that any way you will, but a Republican candidate in the 2012 presidential race recently faced a debate audience and was asked about interrogation techniques. “We have a brand name in the world,” he reminded them. “We stand for important ideals. There are some compromises America just can never make; they dilute the values we have built up with that global brand for two hundred years.”

And so it is for the kingdom of heaven. By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, Jesus once observed in a frank “Madison Avenue ad” that went viral for the New Jerusalem: “If you have love for one another.”
David B. Smith writes from Southern California.

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Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Spiritual applications.

God Isn’t Fair

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The evidence is overwhelming. Missionaries are kidnapped and killed while serving in remote locations. CEOs make millions in shady deals and get off with a slap on the wrist. Innocent children are abducted by evil strangers. Good people suffer lingering illness. It’s not fair. Something is wrong. God does not treat people the way we think he should, considering their personal histories.

But then, maybe it’s a good thing God isn’t fair.

We don’t deserve most of the ugly stuff that happens, true. But it is also true that we haven’t earned the good things that come our way, either. If you were born into a family that values education or laughs easily or appreciates hard work, these things are gifts, not accomplishments.

Perhaps the greatest gift of all is forgiveness. None of us lives without making mistakes, sometimes very serious ones. We deserve to be punished. But God isn’t fair. Instead of looking at our achievements–our past–to decide how he will treat us, he looks to his own affection for us and to the future he wants to give us. He offers forgiveness. Because of the gift of forgiveness, we can start each day fresh without being loaded with the weight of the past.

Fair means getting what we deserve. It is focused on the past and on our behavior. God isn’t fair; He is gracious.

Click here to discover God’s grace is changing people’s lives.
John McLarty writes from the Pacific Northwest.

Read more at the source: God Isn’t Fair

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Spiritual applications.

This Looks Like the End

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When I was a boy, both of my parents worked and I became well acquainted with daytime television. One of the shows I watched frequently was the original non-animated Batman. Many of the episodes ended with Batman and his sidekick, the Boy Wonder, in a tight spot—having been captured by some cruel villain.
 
The announcer would close these episodes with, “This look like the end!”
 
When I became a Christian, talk about the nearness of the “end” was more than frequent. I expected the credits to roll on this Pale Blue Dot at any time. In the 39 years that have since passed, I have heard many reasons for the end to be described as “near.” I have been asked more than a few times to preach on the nearness of the end as a motivator for change in church member’s lives.
 
But I am resistant.
 
My foremost reason for resisting is that people mistake knowledge about the end as preparation for the end. However, there is no correlation between information and preparation for the return of Jesus. The preparation needed for the return of Jesus is a relationship with Jesus. Accepting the grace that God offers and submitting to His leadership in your day-to-day life is the only way to be ready for Jesus to come!
 
It seems as if people have been sucked into a version of Gnosticism as it relates to the Second Coming. They believe that the information itself is needed—and, for some, that the information is all that is needed—to be saved. As in all forms of Gnosticism, here Jesus gets sidelined in the teachings even though He is the one returning.
 
So what about North Korea, hurricanes Harvey and Irma, and the massive wildfires in the Northwest? Aren’t these things fulfillments of prophecy? Sure. The Bible says that the earth will groan—that there will be wars and rumors of wars, earthquakes, famines, and epidemics. But, I will say, to name one set of events as harbingers over others past and future is not wise.
 
Instead, may I suggest that these things remind us that we live on a fragile, old planet that will one day come to an end—and that we should prepare to meet Jesus, who is anxious to come and take His children home. Let’s read about Him, focus on behaving as He would behave today, and align ourselves with what has been revealed in Scripture.
 
Let’s be about loving our neighbors—and working for them in the hopes that they will allow us to tell them about God’s love and that amazing, joyful, exciting day when Jesus comes again.
 
It is not possible to scare people into loving Jesus. Sure, it looks, perhaps, like the end—so let’s be ready to follow Jesus home!
Walt Groth writes from Northern California.

Read more at the source: This Looks Like the End

Article excerpt posted on en.intercer.net from Spiritual applications.

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